One of the saddest things I’ve ever heard was a mother who took the easy way out. A doctor diagnosed her son as autistic and told her he will never talk, learn, be social and he should be institutionalized. So she took him home and when he was old enough, she bought him a wheelchair.
I overheard her consoling another parent in a waiting room who just discovered her child was autistic and she was told the same thing. She was crushed, like my daughter was when she was told about the first of her three autistic sons. Here’s what the consoling mother said:
“It really isn’t that bad, once you accept the diagnosis. He will never give you any grief. You’ve got to accept them for who they are and move on. Jeremy is easy to care for. Get yours a good wheelchair. That’s important. You can push them everywhere: He has TV time and then I read to him. Sometimes we walk to a park. We have a nurse that comes in twice a day, first to get him up, bathe and dress him. Then in the evenings she gets him ready for bed and tucks him in.”
Why would parents take a doctor’s word as gospel? Why not try to help their child? I’ve watched my youngest daughter dedicate her entire life to her three autistic sons and one normal daughter. It’s taken bottomless dedication, more love than you thought you were capable of, more patience than Job, 26-hour days, emotional stability, an iron will, and a totally selfless soul. All of it was designed so she could eventually find the key to unlock her children’s autistic world.
She did it. They are all normal functioning life-loving human beings. There are differences, yes, but they are hardly perceptible. It’s no different than anything else that’s important to you. If you want it badly enough, you work your ass off to get it.
You do everything you can — borrow money, beg for help, steal others’ ideas, plead with specialists, take special classes, learn American sign language –-you do anything you have to do to unlock this child’s personal world and help them be the best that they are able to be.
Okay, a doctor told the mother the child will never be anything more and he should be institutionalized. Should she take his word or do everything she can to prove him wrong? What could be more important than your child? How is accepting them as they are, locked inside their autistic world, and simply “moving on” an acceptable choice for any human being, let alone your own child?
There is a part of each parent locked inside that child and by all accounts, there is also a brilliant mind. As the child grows and matures, he is learning in spite of being locked inside. How criminal to be unable to be who you are, who you were meant to be, and who you deserve to be.
Who’s to say that her child isn’t screaming, “Help me! Please help me! Don’t leave me here! I’m in here and I hear you. I need you to help me find a way out!”
Why would parents not want their kids to be the best they can be? Because it’s easier to care for them in a wheelchair. But that is not a viable reason. Selfish is probably most honest, but also not a viable reason. Thinking more of themselves than for their helpless child is truthful, but again not a viable reason.
The only possible reason not to do whatever you can comes down to, “Me … Me … Me. What is easiest and best for …
Me.”
Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this post, please share it and consider recommending and supporting “CJ Heck’s World” on Substack.
Ahhh, there it is ... my Carol hug. It's awe inspiring. Thank you. Yes, my Heather did heroic things to reach those boys of hers. She was my whirlwind child who finally got focused. I think she should write a book, or do training films on YouTube to teach other parents what she did to unlock the autistic world so they can do the same with their children.
Your daughter is made of the stuff of heroes. If we must have autistic children, would they could be born to women like her. Unfortunately, most people are not heroes or even would-be heroes. It's a sad fact of life. Motherhood can bring out hidden strengths that a woman never suspected she had, but when it comes to congenital disabilities, not all mothers are created equal. Your daughter, also, was blessed to have had you for a mother--who was unknowingly preparing her, through your own courageous parenting, for the challenges she would one day face. I wish you and her and all of her beautiful children much happiness and familial love!