Autism does not Mean "Broken"

It's More Like Being Trapped Inside ...

When my youngest daughter, Heather, had her first son, she knew rather quickly that Will was different.

Will wasn’t progressing the way she was expecting him to from the pile of baby books she read during her pregnancy. By her observations, he was showing some signs of autism.

Each visit with the pediatrician was met with a deaf ear. She was told they wouldn’t test Will until he was at least three, but from what he saw on his well-baby visits, if it was autism, he was high on the autism spectrum –Aspergers, possibly, but no worse.

Heather continued to keep track of the differences while giving little Will all the love a mother can give to a child.

She bought books on raising an Autistic child, rented more autism books at the library, and began using a lot of the techniques she found in the books.

Heather continued to push the doctor to test Will. Finally, when Will was nearly three, to quiet the squeaky wheel, The doctor agreed to test him. He did test positive for Aspergers and once diagnosed, she was able to get him in special programs designed for autistic children: speech, physical therapy, socialization skills and more.

When Heather’s second son, Matthew, was born, she saw the same signs as her oldest son had shown, but Matt’s were so much more severe and there were even more.

Because of Matt’s symptoms, Heather was able to convince his pediatrician much sooner to test Matt. Heather was told he was on the lower end of the autistic spectrum and he should probably be institutionalized.

The doctor told her Matthew would most likely never talk, be sociable, go to school and learn, nor even able to care for himself. An institution would know how best to care for him.

Heather was distraught and inconsolable. I could hardly understand her on the phone through her sobs when she called.

I remember calming her down and telling her: “You have a choice to make. You can let this doctor tell you that you cannot raise your son, or you can do everything you can through a mother's love to prove him wrong. Why not do all you possibly can to give Matthew a fighting chance?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. She took it as I hoped she would, a challenge. She loved Matty more than life itself. He was her son and if there was any way, she would find it.

Heather headed back to the autistic bookshelves in the library, taught herself American Sign Language and every word was signed and spoken to Matthew. She knew repetition would be a major key to unlocking Matty's inner world.

Slowly, she was able to teach him how to care for himself from morning to night through a story board she created from pictures in parent magazines of everything a child does in a day.

The pictures were laminated and given Velcro backs so when he completed a task, like eating breakfast, brushing his teeth, even picking up his toys, he took the picture off the story board and put it in a basket off to the side.

Everything in Matty’s life was on the story board: snack time; pick up toys; story time; bedtime; etc. Their life was totally regimented and it required many other things, too ---way too many to include here.

The milestones piled up more and more every week and even the very smallest of them was celebrated.

One of my favorites was the day Heather called to tell me through happy tears that there had been a major breakthrough. Her signed and verbal words had finally come together for Matty. Words just finally made sense and he was talking.

I could hear him in the background pointing to and saying the names of everything he could see.

Matt is an amazing, happy young man. He's a high school graduate with two years of college. In his spare time, he wrote two books and is working on a third. He also has a job and a car.

The doctor had no idea who he was dealing with … Heather is an amazing mother, woman, and daughter with an iron will.

Had she not stood her ground to keep her child and worked tirelessly sun up to sun down with Matthew, he might have grown up in an institution with so many other autistic children that doctors sadly gave up on.

I would have loved seeing her wipe the smirk off the doctor’s face when she told him how wrong he had been so many years ago.

Heather had two more children after Will and Matthew. Her third son, Andy, was also diagnosed as autistic. By then, Heather knew exactly what to do and Andy is another remarkable boy.

Her daughter, Halloran, graduated from high school at 16 last June and is preparing to attend college in the spring.

When it comes to love and caring for your children, never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do –-at least not until you’ve done all that’s humanly possible and failed.

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