Barking Spiders Here and There ...

Barking Spiders Everywhere!

When my three daughters were small, we were visiting my brother, Chip and his wife, Sue, in Ohio. The girls and I were on the floor playing Chutes and Ladders, a children’s board game.

Suddenly, one of the girls passed gas. On a wood floor, the sound was even louder and it reverberated.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She said as she covered her face with her hands, embarrassed.

Chip had been on the sofa talking to our dad, when he stood, and called to Sue in the kitchen.

“Sue! Grab the Bug Killer! Hurry! There’s a Barking Spider in here!”

Nothing could have prepared any of us for that. A Barking Spider? My dad, the girls and I all started laughing and we couldn’t stop. It also diffused any left over embarrassment my daughter was feeling.

Years later, Sue called to invite us to a surprise 40th birthday party for Chip. I knew we wouldn’t be able to go. It was at least a 12-hour drive each way and that would be too grueling to do on a weekend.

Later, I wrote a poem about the day the Barking Spider showed up at Chip and Sue’s. I thought it would be the perfect gift for Chip.

I called Sue, who loved the idea. I emailed the poem to her asking that she give it to Chip during the party. “Have him read it to everyone after explaining that he was the inspiration for the poem.” That’s what he did and it was a big hit.

When my first children’s poetry book was published, that was the first poem in the book, and the title, as well. When I went to elementary schools for Author school visits, the kids loved the poem and always wanted to know, “Could you please write more Barking Spiders poems?”

I was almost ready to publish a second book of children’s poetry, “Barking Spiders 2”. So I wrote several more barking spider poems and included them in the book.

The children have enjoyed them just as much as the first poem. I offer them here for you to read, starting with the original poem …

Barking Spiders

The barking spiders all march in
just past dinnertime.
Some big, some small, they come to call
floating on the wind behind.

Each is clearly noticed,
although they can't be seen.
You're positive they're there though
'cause your nose is very keen.

You know you can't outrun 'em
and a net won't get 'em caught.
Your friends laugh 'cause they're funny,
but your mom yells 'cause they're not.

So, open all the windows!
Crack the vents real fast!
'Cause these aren't normal spiders ...
Barking Spiders are —just gas.

-*-

Barking Spiders in Church

Those pesky barking spiders
followed me to church Sunday.
I tried to make them stay at home,
but they came anyway.

Then I did something naughty
since they were being bad.
When people turned to look at me,
I pointed at my dad.

-*-

Understanding Miss Muffett

Hey Mommy, what's a tuffet?
Do we have a tuffet, too?
Little Miss Muffett sat on one.
What does a tuffet do?

What's that stuff she's eating?
My teacher said, "curds and whey".
It looks like lumpy oatmeal.
Does she eat that EVERY day?

Why did she take off running
when the spider sat beside her?
I think I already know …
It was a big old BARKING spider!

-*-

Barking Spiders at My Party

Hush now, barking spiders,
please don't make a sound.
I'm at my birthday party.
I don't need YOU guys around!

All my friends are here and
it's important that you know,
YOU didn't get invited
and I wish that you'd just GO!

I'm wearing all my birthday stuff,
shirt, pants, and my new sandals.
If you won't go, at least HUSH UP
when I blow out my candles!

-*-

Barking Spider Mystery

Hey, is that a barking spider?
(sniff) Yep, that's what it is.
I'd like to know who did that.
Was it mommy, dad, or sis?

I don't think it was daddy.
He makes jokes when he passes gas.
He tells us to pull on his finger
and then he giggles and laughs.

I also don't think it was mommy.
She was feeding Old Petie, the cat.
Besides, she always gets angry
when me, dad and Sissy do THAT.

I guess that leaves me and Sissy,
and blaming ME wouldn't be fair.
When I walked into the kitchen,
a barking spider was ALREADY there!

Hmmm, Sissy couldn't have done it.
I stood in the room right beside her.
When I passed the cat in the kitchen
I smelled the barking spider.

I've solved the stinky mystery!
It was hard, but I found the rat!
Mom should put Old Petie OUT ...
The barking spider came from the cat.

-*-

The Great-Gramma Mystery

I was with Great-Gramma,
we weren’t walking fast at all.
Something scary followed us
while we shuffled down the hall.

Every time she took a step,
I heard the spooky sound.
When we stopped I couldn't hear it.
It was quiet all around.

I looked to our left,
then I looked to our right.
We were all by ourselves,
not a monster was in sight.

Maybe it was gone now.
I guess it’s safe to go.
(I wish she would go faster.
Great-Gramma walks so slow!)

I told her, maybe we should run,
so the monster can’t attack.
Great-Gramma said that she's too old
and running hurts her back.

We started walking slow again.
Sure enough, the thing was back!
With every step Great-Gramma took,
I knew he would attack!

And then I started giggling.
I know what's chasing us!
Great-Gramma, don't walk faster ...
your barking spiders have hiccups!

-*-

CJ’s World is reader supported.
If you enjoy my writing, please
consider a paid subscription
so I can continue writing.
Thank you.