Class Reunions

The I Haves and The I Have ... But

What was the most surprising thing you witnessed at your high school reunions?

Over a period of fifty years, I could only attend three. I lived on the east coast and they were always held in my Ohio hometown at the end of August, right when my children had to return to school.

For me to answer the question sincerely, I will describe the most surprising thing I witnessed at each of the three I did attend. I have to do that, because they were each so very different.

1977 - My 10th Reunion
"The I Have" Reunion

I have this degree
I have this career
I have this position in my career
I have this salary

Man, do I have this salary ...

I have this wife/husband
She/He has this degree
She/He has this career
She/He has this position in her/his career
She/He has this salary

Man, does She/He have this salary ...

I have these children
I have this nanny
I have them in private schools
I have them in summer camp

I have this Country Club membership
I have lessons by a golf pro
I have this golf handicap
I have kids on the swim team
I have kids at the tennis courts

I have a gym membership
I have a personal trainer
I have six-pack abs, a tight tush, my weekly massage

I have this boat, yacht
I have this summer cottage
I have this time share/condo
I have this expensive car, motorcycle, plane
I have a collection of antique cars

I have this house, estate, island, houseboat
I live in an expensive suburb, on beachfront property,
I have a backyard spa, pool and cabana, hot tub

I have this plastic surgeon
I have a smaller nose, bigger boobs, thinner thighs, tighter waist, chiseled chin, Botox lips

I have this PHENOMENAL sex life
I have always had a crush on you, girl ...
Want to fool around? What do you mean, NO?
Does "no" really mean ... "no"? Why the hell not?

The only reason I attended a second one, was because my three best friends from school convinced me to go. I love them dearly, hadn’t seen them in years, and I missed them. Yeah, we all owed it to each other to go.

“We can stay up all night remembering, giggling, and gossiping. It’ll be just like old times.”

I didn’t have to think too hard about what to call the second reunion:

2002 -The 35th Reunion
The "I Still Have, But" Reunion

I still have this degree, but …
I hate the field I chose and at my age, I can’t go back and do it over.

I still have this career, but …
The company is downsizing and at my age, they could let me go ...
I’m worried I won’t have enough money to retire
Can I live on social security, my 401 and IRA, plus my pension?

I still have my hair, but …
it's from hair implants, transplants, a toupe, a wig, extensions

I still have my teeth, but …
they’re false, they’re implants, they're caps

I still have my wife/husband, but …
he/she is fat, an alcoholic, a druggie, a cheater, abusive

Or: this is wife/husband #2, #3, or #4, but …
I’m tired of paying alimony to the first, second, third
We’ve nothing in common —she/he is so much younger/older than I

I still have my children, but …
they live far away, they’re in jail, they live with my spouse,
they have kids of their own, they moved back home, they live so far away

I still have a Country Club membership, but …
my arthritis keeps me from playing golf, tennis; I’m too fat for my swim suit

I still have my boat, but …
I’m saving for retirement.
I can’t afford the marina fees, the upkeep.
I am trying to sell it.
I’ve just given it to the kids.

I still have my gym membership, but …
I can’t keep up with the passage of time.
I look too fat in my workout gear to go.
My trainer is too busy chasing younger hard bodies now.

I still have a car, but …
now it’s a sensible car.
I sold my Porsche and the antique cars.

I still have my home, but …
It has a second mortgage
it needs a new roof, a new driveway.
My ex lives in it and I moved into the condo, the houseboat.

I still have a plastic surgeon, but …
now he’s on the “I Have” list --
my wives/husbands and I put him there.

I still have my health, but …
I have a new heart, kidney, pacemaker, hip/knee replacement

I still have a sex life, but …
Now it’s on the computer on adult sites with cam girls
It’s not with my husband
Now I take Viagra
I only self-pleasure …

I still have a crush on you ... want to fool around?
But … that’s what you said twenty-five years ago ...
But … does "no" still mean ... "no"?
But … why the hell not?

I would have loved talking about the good old days with those I thought of as my second family.  In high school, we spent almost more time with each other than with our families.

Reliving the memories and coming of age stories would have been priceless. Sadly, that wasn’t what people wanted to talk about.  I only hoped I wasn’t as shallow.

I attended one last reunion.

2009 - Multi-Class Reunion

This reunion would be the first ever multi-class reunion and would include the graduating classes of two of my siblings. What fun, seeing younger classmates I would never see otherwise.

This reunion was as different as black and white. After nearly fifty years, all who attended were just happy to be there. We had finally come full circle, proving that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Gone were the pretenses, the old cliques, and most surprising, the "I Haves" and "I still have, buts" just weren't important topics any more. Those had faded away and in their place were discussions about classmates, children, or family who had passed on ---and there were many.

An air of magic surrounded this reunion. Everyone there could sense it. It was filled with rekindling friendships and sharing how important we still are to one another with old photos, yearbooks, hugs and even tears.

Some of us were even lucky enough to fall in love ...