Dallas vs. Mr. Hanrahan
See ya', Ralphie!
When I was a freshman in high school, I was in a class taught by one of the most formidable teachers in the school, Mr. Ralph Hanrahan. He was a very short man, but he had a voice twice his size that shook walls, rattled windows, burst eardrums, and with a personality to match.
Mr. Hanrahan taught his classes for the most part from his desk chair. His sidekick was a long, white fiberglass rod he used for pointing at things on the blackboard, or the world map without leaving his chair.
However, the most notorious use for his rod was a quick slam on his, or someone else’s desk to prove a point, or get the attention of a sleepy student. The sound was loud, like a rifle shot, guaranteed to wake the dead and be heard by classrooms up and down the hall.
There was also another object Mr. Hanrahan was known for at school. He had a thick wooden paddle with holes drilled in it to enhance the pain of a whipping. It was hanging on the wall beside the blackboard, and referred to as the “Holy Paddle”.
In my year of occupying a desk in the front row of Mr. Hanrahan’s class, I was only aware of one student that ever had his behind warmed by the wooden paddle. That was a new student from somewhere in Texas who would only be there long enough for his father to open a branch of a drive through restaurant. His name was Dallas Livingston. His Texan accent was so thick that at first, I thought he was a foreign exchange student from another country.
Dallas and Mr. Hanrahan were like oil and water. No, it was more like gasoline and a match. They locked horns so often, and were so evenly matched in temperament, you would swear they were related. In each class, Dallas provoked Mr. Hanrahan in some way, and three of those times resulted in Dallas feeling the full force of “Holy Paddle” wielded by Mr. Hanrahan out in the hallway.
The school term Dallas attended came with a hot early spring. This particular afternoon, all the windows were open, begging for the slightest breeze. Mr. Hanrahan’s temper was worse than usual and Dallas was using it to his advantage by making rude remarks at Mr. Hanrahan’s expense that only those sitting near him could hear.
Of course, they giggled and that infuriated Mr. Hanrahan even more. He slammed the fiberglass rod down hard and loud and after a half dozen warnings, his booming voice showed he finally had had enough.
“Dallas! Out in the hall, at once!” and as Mr. Hanrahan went to get “Holy Paddle”, Dallas stood up.
“No!” Dallas shouted.
“I said, out in the hall!”
“Well, I said NO!”
With that remark, we watched as Mr. Hanrahan’s face turned from red to nearly purple. “Holy Paddle” in hand, he started towards Dallas’ desk just as Dallas ran to one of the open windows. Feet first he climbed out and with a wave of his hand, shouted , “It’s my last day! See ya, Ralphie!”
The entire class was riveted in place, staring at the window, stunned and too dumbfounded to say a word, laugh, or look around.
... even Mr. Hanrahan had nothing to say.