Identify, Acknowledge, Sympathize

When a child cries, there is a reason.

I was in a grocery store checkout lane a few years ago and I saw a young mother, clearly frustrated with a little girl of about three. She pushed her cart into the checkout lane somewhere behind me.

The child was crying hard. Her mother told her loudly, “I said stop crying! Just wait till we get to the car! I’ll give you something to cry about!”

The mother saw a number of us staring and shouted, “What are you looking at? This isn’t my fault. I didn’t touch her. The kid cries all the time and I’ve had it!”

[I remember thinking, “Common sense says there’s something wrong, or the child wouldn’t be crying all the time. Unless she turns her attention to her crying child, how can she know if there’s a problem?”]

Are they hungry? In pain? Do they need to go to a restroom, or have a diaper change? Are they frustrated? Do they need help? Maybe they just need to be held, so they know they’re loved.

My common sense told me, if you want a child to stop crying, you don’t scream at them to stop crying. They’ll cry even harder, because you’re showing them you don’t understand and you don’t really care.

I’ll share what worked for me. First find the problem, acknowledge it, and then sympathize with the child:

“Awww, what’s wrong?”

(hug the child)

“I fell down! My knee is bleeding and all my blood will come out!”

“Oh, that looks like it really hurts! I would probably cry, too! Let’s go put some cold water on it to make it feel better. Then we’ll put a BandAid on to keep all the blood inside.”

I think you’ll be surprised. Once you say the words, “I would probably cry, too,” The crying almost always stops immediately. They just need to know you understand and you care.

There are contributing factors to think about, like the age of the child, the type of hurt, plus how bad it is. With older children, you have to change it some, but it still holds true:

—> Identify
—> Acknowledge
—> Sympathize

If I’m upset, I hope someone will listen and help me if I need it. We’re all still children. Grownups just have a few extra years on top. … and we all need hugs.

Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018.
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