In raising three daughters, there were so many poignant moments. Some of the most valuable lessons I ever learned about life, I learned from my children.
I remember looking through my bookcase one morning a few years ago. I had to weed out the books I would keep from those I wanted to donate, before our big move to Florida.
I had gone through a lot of books when suddenly I came across a forgotten treasure. It had special written all over it and it's something I will keep forever. it was a very small book, a gift from my youngest daughter, Heather, when she was eighteen.
After her high school graduation, she wanted to move to Texas to live with her older sister, Carrie, for the summer.
On summer break from The University of Notre Dame, Carrie would be working part time waiting tables at an upscale restaurant and part time on an Indian reservation donating her time and help. She assured Heather that she could also work at the restaurant with her.
For weeks, we discussed (and at times, argued) about the move. Texas was a long, long way from New Hampshire and I wasn't convinced Heather was ready to move so far away yet.
Then out of the blue, I received a gift from Heather. It was a little book with a handwritten letter. When I found the book in the bookcase that morning, the letter was still tucked inside. Like poignant memories often do, it made me cry …
"Mom,
Sometimes, I think you and I are mirror images of one another. I see so much of you in me. I think that's what makes our relationship so close —and so complicated at times.
It's not that I think you're trying to run my life. I don’t. I know it's only that you want what's best for me -- so we both stick our noses out sometimes.
I know I've said my fair share in how I think you should run your life, but in the end, you decide your own destiny. So, please understand, I wouldn’t be leaving you, only New Hampshire and only for the summer.
I’ll survive in Texas. I know, because you've taught me I can do anything I set my mind to. I aspire to be the best at whatever I do and that was also something you taught me -- confidence and independence. If I fall on my ass out there, it was never meant to be. But I have to find out for myself and, as usual, I will learn something.
I just need you by my side on this, no matter what the outcome may be, okay? I need to know you're behind me, or else I may doubt myself and that's not the right thing for a move like this one. I am putting myself first for once. If I stay here, it would be for you and Dad. Neither of you wants me to go.
Now, should anything happen to me, you know what I would want (just in case). It is a long trip. Carrie and I would love visitors for the summer. You would get a great tan down south, that's for sure.
I'm going to miss having you only a hug away. You've always been there for me for anything -- but I promise you, our friendship will never fade. It's too strong to ever have that happen.
I realize I'm only 18, but that means I still have about a million more mistakes to make before my life is over. Just think how many more times you can say, "I told you so."
Please, please give me your encouragement. That's all I really need right now, that and your love.
Love always,
Beanie"
Needless to say, Heather (“Beanie”) did make the move to Texas and she and Carrie had a wonderful summer together. Though it’s now a distant memory, it was an important milestone for her and she learned a lot — both of us did. I learned I just wasn't ready for my youngest child to grow up and move away.
Heather went on to become a responsible, independent woman with her own small business and I’m proud of her. She has four children and they live in North Carolina.