Our Noisy Bodies

It sounds like ...

Everyone knows our body functions are noisy, and a source of hilarity to a child. They're all perfectly normal and something everyone does at one time or another ---and whether you're brave enough to admit it or not, you think they're funny, too.

To a child, these noises bring pure joy and they try and copy the sounds as often as they can. It doesn't matter what age a child is ---I've seen teenagers bust a gut laughing, the same as toddlers. Heck, my two-year-old grandson already thinks they’re funny.

I remember growing up, my brother, Tim, used to amaze me with his burps. He's the only person I've ever known who could burp and it sounded like the word, "burp". Maybe it was something he practiced. I don't know. Can you practice a burp? Would anyone other than a kid even want to practice a burp?

Tummy rumbles and yawns are lesser funnies, but still funny to children. A tummy rumble sounds like the word 'rumble', IF you say it with a deep voice and draw the word out a little. Yawns, on the other hand, don’t sound like the word at all. Given the nod, they LOOK like what a yawn is ---a gaping hole.

Another funny noise is a sneeze. Sneeze is a funny word ---I wonder who made it up? Personally, I think they missed the boat. I've never heard anyone who sneezed like that word sounds. Mostly, you hear "ah-choo" or "ker-choo", or something close. My daughters tell me when I sneeze, it sounds like I'm saying, "Who asked you!" Not as a question, but as a shout.

The word 'hiccup' is way too cool. When you have them, they do sound pretty much like the word 'hiccup'. Whoever made up that word came pretty damned close. My other brother, Chip, used to try and hold them in ---that almost always had a bad reaction though. It got pressurized, and burst out as a loud 'hic-burp', although that doesn't do it justice ---guess you’d have to be there ...

By now, you're probably wondering where this is going. Well, it brings me to the more socially sensitive body functions ---and also the source of the most amusement for everyone, because there are so many different kinds.

In our house, we call them “Barking Spiders” ...

Barking Spiders

The barking spiders all march in
just past dinnertime.
Some big, some small, they come to call
floating on the wind behind.

Each is clearly noticed,
although they can't be seen.
You're positive they're there though,
'cause your nose is very keen.

You know you can't outrun 'em
and a net won't get 'em caught.
Your friends laugh 'cause they're funny ...
Your mom yells 'cause they're not.

So open all the windows!
Crack the vents real fast!
'Cause these aren't normal spiders ...
barking spiders are … just gas.