One Day You'll be the Aging Parent

It's not too Late to be a Good Example

Q.) When adult children don’t visit their aging parents, do they realize the example they are setting for their own children not to visit them someday?

That’s a great question and it begs to have an honest answer. There are a lot of variables that come into play, because the family dynamic is different from family to family. There could be a legitimate reason why their grown children don’t visit them.

Probably the first thing that comes to mind is, were these aging parents physically unavailable to their children, off on cruises, a second home in the islands, or traveling abroad most of the time?

Were the aging parents emotionally unavailable to their children while they were growing up and their idea of a hug was an arm around the shoulder and a quick squeeze? Kisses weren’t given to children being pushed to achieve in school and excel in sports; kisses could make them lose their edge and be soft.

Were the aging parents abusive, demeaning, or uncaring parents while the children were growing up? Were the children’s basic needs taken care of, or were they ignored?

Are the adult children infirm, hospitalized, or otherwise incapacitated and unable to travel and a nanny takes care of the children? In this case, are the aging parents the ones who do the visiting?

Is there a financial consideration and the adult children are unable to afford to visit their aging parents? Do the aging parents not offer to send money to help with travel expenses?

I can’t think of any other possible reason why adult children wouldn’t visit aging parents, unless they are selfish or stubborn, or were coddled as children. Of course, the adult children or child could be harboring a grudge of some sort over a real or imagined slight.

Thank you for your question. I helped the best way I could. Ultimately, the answer will have to come from you. But I feel sorry for the adult children who don’t visit their aging parents.

They are sending a significant signal to their own children who may pick up the gauntlet and be a silent payback for the poor example set by their parents by not visiting their aging parents.

Remember, what goes around comes around …

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