Precocious is as Precocious Does

Out of the Mouths of Babes ...

Q) What is something crazy a child of yours has done?

When I first saw this question, I immediately thought of my youngest daughter, Heather. She was a beautiful child, sweet, outgoing and smart, however, ‘Precocious’ has always been her private middle name —even now sometimes, as an adult and the mother of four.

In contemplating the question, I can’t help wondering which something crazy to share —there are literally dozens. If you’ll grant me some leeway, I’ll begin with one of her early crazy somethings, as background, and then move on to a main crazy something to share.

As a toddler at 2-1/2, Heather was very petite by height and weight standards of the day. She was still nearly bald with only a few blond wisps of hair. This made her look even younger than her age.

Heather and I were in the grocery getting a few items. She was in the child seat of my cart and all through the store we giggled, because the cart I always seemed to get stuck with had one wheel that turned mindlessly, making a “whomp-wiggle-wiggle, whomp-wiggle-wiggle” sound.

We were still giggling as we pulled into a cashier’s line to pay. Then it was our turn. The cashier smiled as she watched Heather giggling. “Awww, your baby is so adorable! How old is she and what’s her name?”

I was about to answer, when Heather indignantly replied, “I am Heather and I am NOT a baby! I am almost three! Mommy’s 31. Did you hear our wheel go whomp-wiggle-wiggle, whomp-wiggle-wiggle? It was sooo funny!”

Now, let’s fast forward to Heather in 6th grade.

She had a science project due and only a week left to finish it for the Science Fair. Her class was studying Ecology and Protecting the Environment and Heather chose the topic, “How to save Fossil Fuels”, for hers.

Midweek, the week before, I asked how her project was coming along and to find out if she needed any help. She said everything was going great —she decided to make a poster to illustrate her topic and then turn it in on Friday.

Monday, she came home excited. “Mom, I got an A on my science project! You can see it next week on parent-teacher night!”

“That’s wonderful, honey! I’m proud of you!”

Okay, now let's skip to Wednesday, parent-teacher night at school. The science projects and posters were all proudly displayed for parents to see as they waited their turn to speak to the teacher.

As I entered the room, there was a group of giggling adults looking up at the wall above the chalkboard, behind the teacher’s desk. I walked over to have a look. There was Heather’s poster. I could see her name in the bottom right corner.

Oh My God … I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

It was a bright red poster with the picture of a large coffee can, (Folgers I think), glued to the center with the words,

“SAVE GAS — FART IN A CAN” printed neatly in bold black letters just below the coffee can.

Oh My God … Oh. My. God.

Pinned to the top left corner of her poster was a Blue Ribbon for “Category: Humor”, and beside it, the “A” Heather was so proud of.

(sigh) …

kids. You’ve gotta love ’em …

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