Teens: Testing their Wings

They're basically good kids

Q.) My 17 year-old son keeps unbuttoning his shirt and he refuses to rebutton it. He says he likes the rock star look. What should I do?

Then by all means, let him unbutton his shirt. There are far worse ways for your teen to exercise some control over his life and show his individualism.

I feel we need to be more understanding of our teens — they’re only testing their wings, like generations before them. As parents, we have to choose our battles wisely, especially when they are basically good kids.

Back when my youngest daughter was in her teens, she once asked, “Mom, what would you say if I came home with my hair dyed in rainbow colors?”

“You mean after I stopped laughing? Well, I guess, if that’s how you want to look, I would be okay with that.”

She never came home with rainbow-colored hair. As a matter of fact, she never brought it up again. But I felt it was important to her to know she could —the choice would be hers and I would still love her.

Being too strict is where teen rebellion comes from. They just want to have some control over their life. Shirt buttons certainly aren’t something to create a battlefield over.

Sometimes, just knowing we aren’t going to disown them is what a teen really wants and needs to hear. As parents, we need to know we can trust them, but they are also testing us to see if we are willing to loosen their reins …

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