Teens Just Want Some Control

They're basically good kids

Q.) My 17 year-old son keeps unbuttoning his shirt and he refuses to rebutton it. He says he likes the rock star look. What should I do?

Then I think you should let him unbutton his shirt. There are far worse ways for a teen to want some control over his life and show his individualism.

I feel we need to be more understanding of our teens — they’re only testing their wings, like generations before them. We have to choose our battles wisely, because they are basically good kids.

I remember when my youngest daughter was in her teens, she once asked, “Mom, what would you say if I came home with my hair dyed in rainbow colors?”

“You mean after I stopped laughing? Well, I guess, if that’s how you want to look, I would be okay with that.”

She never came home with rainbow-colored hair. As a matter of fact, she never brought it up again. But I felt it was important for her to know she could —the choice would be hers and I would still love her.

Being too strict is where teen rebellion comes from. They just want to have some control over their life. Shirt buttons aren’t something to create a battlefield over.

I think sometimes, just knowing we aren’t going to disown them is what a teen really wants and needs to hear ...

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