The Funniest Things I've Ever Seen

Can be attributed to my Mama, Quite by Accident.

There have been a few things in my life that stand out as the funniest things I have ever seen.  It might surprise you to learn I can attribute most of them directly to Mama, and they’re quite by accident.

Mom and Dad raised six of us children and I was oldest. Mama also had a job, so to get everything done, she delegated some parts of the housework and chores to us, age-appropriate, to keep it running, like a well-oiled machine.

Her mind was almost always preoccupied with something, and she kept us smiling with the many absent-minded, goofy things she did — all by accident. When they happened, we teasingly called her ‘Lucy’, because she reminded us of Lucy on the “I Love Lucy” show.

I remember one Saturday, we went to a shoe store to buy new sneakers for school. All of us were lined up on a long wooden bench in the store, shoes and shoe boxes everywhere.

When we finished and Mama had paid, she herded all of us out of the store and back up Main Street toward where our car was parked at the meter, each of us proudly holding a bag with our new sneakers.

That’s when we heard a man’s voice. “Mrs. Parrish? Oh Mrs. Parrish, wait! I have your purse.” We turned to see the store manager running toward us, all out of breath. Sure enough, he had Mama’s purse —and she was surprised to find a shoe box tucked under her arm, instead of her purse. Mama had done another ‘Lucy’.

Another happened in church one Sunday. Our large clan filled the entire first row of the balcony overlooking the lower church. Mama sat on one end, Daddy on the other, completing the Parrish family ‘sandwich’.  This order was, I am sure, set to keep us well-behaved.

As a speaker, Rev. Kaser was as close to brilliant as a minister can get.  Every Sunday, to help the congregation understand the Bible lesson, he married the Bible passages with an anecdote or two from real life so everyone, young or old, could relate to it.

Still, every now and then, Daddy would fall asleep during Rev. Kaser’s sermon. In no way did that reflect negatively on the sermon.  It happened most often when, as shift foreman, Daddy happened to be on third shift and he was exhausted. 

When Mama heard the first rumble of a snore, she would gently elbow whoever sat next to her, and the elbow continued all the way down the pew to Daddy to wake him.

I remember another Sunday, Mama sent a message down to Daddy to let him know she was going to the restroom which was down on the main floor of the church. After ten minutes, we saw the bathroom door open. There was Mama, smiling up at us as she walked down the aisle toward the balcony stairway.

Instead of her purse, (and visible to everyone), was a roll of toilet paper tucked under her arm, with a short tail. This new information was passed down to Daddy, along with muffled giggles from all of us in the peanut gallery. Mama had done another ‘Lucy’.

I remember asking her one time, “Mama, why do you do so many ‘Lucy’ things?”

“Honey, with our big family, I have so much to keep track of. My mind is constantly going over lists of things I have to do in order of importance and crossing them off when they’re done. I guess sometimes, one list gets ahead of another and my mind forgets where my body is supposed to be and what it’s supposed to be doing.”

My mind is also collecting new information all the time.  When it gets full, it’s like a sponge full of water, some of the excess drips out –-on occasion, it could be something important.”

[Strange, the older I get, the more all of this makes sense …]

Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018.
CJ’s World is reader supported.
If you enjoy reading my work, please,
be a paid subscriber so I can continue 
writing.  Thank you!