The Funny Things Children Say.

They're just too cute not to share.

I did my fair share of Author School Visits and presentations starting when my first book was published in June of 2000.  I really loved doing them.  The interactions with the students before, during and after each presentation were priceless.

I wish I could still do them, but my tomboy years finally caught up with me and my arthritic knees are shot.  As you probably remember, elementary schools are full of stairs and long hallways –-way too much walking for my arthritic knees these days.

There is nothing to compare with the adrenalin high I use to get when I connected with a group of students.  It was a natural high that lasted all day, followed me home, and it settled in for the evening, as well.

This morning, I was writing down some of the odd and funny things the children said, or asked during the school presentations, or later when I was signing books. Many of their comments will end up in new poems for children, from a child’s point of view.

Some of these are just too cute not to share with you.  I hope they bring you a smile like they did for me.

"Can I call you Miss CJ? I don't think my mom and dad would let me say your last name. It's a bad word, right?"

“You write like you’re still a kid. Are you REALLY a grownup?”

"My teacher told us before you came today, we had to guess what C.J. stands for, only she didn't tell us if you were a boy, or a girl, so I guessed your name was both. I guessed Chris Jane. Sorry about that."

I asked if anyone had a question at the end of one presentation and a little girl stood and yelled out, "I do, I do! Where did you buy your boots?"

Here are Some More:

"Can I come to your house? My friends think it has to look like a library.  I think you must have a lot of kids that live there.”

"You write about stuff I think about. How old ARE you? I mean really?"

"I love your poem, Barking Spiders. My dad will laugh when I tell him about that. He always tells me to pull his finger and then he farts and laughs, but he tells me it was an invisible elephant that did it."

"Did your Daddy really tell you the stuff between your toes is toe jam? I would never put that on MY peanut butter sandwich."

“I know every one of your poems.  Did you hear me? I was saying them with you!  Did you write a lot of new ones?  I want to learn those too!”

"Do you have a poem about a mom sitting IN the toilet 'cause the dad left the seat up? My mom always does that and then she yells at my dad."

"I love reading your books. Do you like being rich?"

(Ahhhh, the naivete of a child. I only wish I were!)

"I want to write books, too, but my sister says my writing stinks."

"I forgot to bring any paper. Can you just sign my shirt?"

Take a deep breath before trying to say this one:

"You know your poem about losing a tooth? Well, I lost my tooth one day and mom had to write a note to the tooth fairy because I swallowed my tooth so I couldn't put it under my pillow and I didn't think the tooth fairy would come and leave me any money so I cried, but you know what? She did! So, I'm not going lose any more teeth 'cause I might swallow those too."

And this is my favorite. (I’m sure it was said without taking a breath …)

"Ooo, Ooo, (hand waving). Pick me!  I have a good question! (pointing) Do you see that guy over there, the one in the blue shirt sitting by my mom? (proudly) He's my dad. That was him laughing the loudest when you read the poem about your brother's stinky feet. That's 'cause my mom says his feet smell like he stepped in dog poop."

Oh dear, nothing is sacred … poor dad.

If there are any children’s authors reading this and you’d like to get started doing paid Author School Visits, but you don’t know where to start, I would be happy to help. Send me a message, ok?

Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018.
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