The Girl with the Ice-Blue Eyes

A fairy-tale-like true love story, by Robert Cosmar

I read the most romantic post yesterday by Kent Peterson about the way he met his wife. They will be celebrating their 40^th Anniversary in October. That’s something to be proud of and I’m thrilled for them!

Kent’s beautiful post set off a chain reaction in me. Should I also share a post by my love/life partner, Robert?  He wrote a beautiful essay fifteen years ago to post on another platform.  Robert is an Author and Astrologer who is also here on Substack. 

“The Girl with the Ice-Blue Eyes
by Robert Cosmar

“Life has its moments and images, some that stay with us forever ...

In the late 50's, I was nine and going with my brothers and sister to a local lake to swim. Mom had arranged for us to pick up one of her high school best friends and her children to come with us to the lake.

I was sitting in the back seat of our station wagon when this girl entered our car and sat beside me. She had the most stunning ice-blue eyes I had ever seen. I remember staring at her, but she didn’t look at me at all. I was hypnotized by her eyes and unable to speak.

I was too young, too shy, (and too pre-hormonal) to understand what I was experiencing, but it was the first time I realized what a girl was and how the power of sexuality can affect you.

That moment was not experienced again. Our families didn't go to the lake together again. I do remember hearing my parents talk fondly about these friends and their children, but the girl with the ice-blue eyes faded to my subconscious and the sweet chance meeting was all but forgotten.

I didn't remember her at all in high school, since she was two years older and we traveled in different circles. Yet even now, I can vividly recall her in that back seat, avoiding all eye contact with me, because she was also very shy.

Almost fifty years passed since I last saw her. During that time, I learned many lessons and made a lot of mistakes. She was on her own journey of discovery, disappointments and despair.

A few years ago, my sister was on the computer and she mentioned something to me about that same girl being a children's author. My sister was still at her website and I remember going over to look at the computer screen. There was her picture.

Seeing the picture brought back the memory of that day in the car many years earlier. She still had those stunning ice-blue eyes and soft sweet face. I got her email address from her website and decided to comment on her writing, the website, and to share my own interests in Astrology and Spirituality. I was curious to see what she might say.

A day or so later, I received an answer —it was not as glorious as I had hoped. She was going through a difficult divorce and her response was rather cold and distant. I accepted that, forgot about the email, and went on with my life.

Somewhere in 2008, after talking to an old high school friend, I made the decision to organize a multi-class high school reunion. It was something I felt compelled to do and I didn't exactly know why, especially since I had to do the work alone, or with very little help.

Still, I was determined to see it through, because I felt it was important to me and to many others. Again, I didn't know why. It was as though I sensed something, a promise, that If I stayed the course, something wonderful was going to happen.

Over the next two years, I planned, organized, and found myself writing emails of a personal and spiritual nature to classmates from the five different graduation classes. Somehow, I knew I had to be true to myself, my feelings, and the vision that had unfolded within me for the reunion.

I began to write from my heart and to trust the whispers I was getting. I was aware some folks would be offended, but I knew there would be others who felt the same, just unable to express their feelings as easily.

One day at work, I got a surprising email from the girl with the ice-blue eyes. She hadn't heard about the reunion, until one of her classmates forwarded some of my emails to her. Those whispers from my heart to other grads had touched hers.

She told me how much the words meant to her and to me, it was almost like she was saying, "Here I am, I'm ready now. Where do we go from here?"

Playfully, I teased her about her blue eyes and shared how I remembered them from 50 years earlier. It was all very natural, heartfelt and it seemed so right. Something was happening.

Over the next few months before the reunion, we shared emails and stories. Romance and a relationship were not even spoken of. We just sensed we had to follow the friendship and the feelings to see if they would eventually end, or if something else might take its place.

As time went on, I found myself with the courage to be more open and honest with her and more revealing of my past. She was uneasy with parts of it and, at one point, we both even felt the urge to walk away, but something wouldn’t let us.

One summer night at home, I was laying on my back in the grass under the stars in my yard talking to her on the phone. I told her about my deepest heartbreak in love. It had been the first time I had ever opened my heart to anyone and how cruelly it had been rejected.

That night under the stars, I was sure she and I had come to the end of the line. As I had it analyzed up to this point, we didn't have a whole lot in common —or so it seemed.

When I was done telling her about the pain I had carried around of that past love, she said something that touched me deeply, "That was mean.  I would never hurt you like that."

It was more than words. It was almost a promise, and I knew she would keep it. That was the door I needed. It was a door that took me beyond my fear and handed me the encouragement to continue to trust her.

For the first few months, as we were getting to know one another, she would not allow me to call. She was hesitant to hear my voice. She wouldn't allow me to visit, because she was hesitant to see me.

It was so frustrating to be held at bay, because I wanted and needed to talk to her, be with her. I knew in my heart I loved her and I felt she loved me, but I also was aware of how badly she had been hurt before. She wanted to be sure with me.

Later, just before we first met for the reunion, she tortured me with things like, "Please don’t push me. Robert, if it's love, I will see it in your eyes. When you love someone, they will see it in your eyes, and you, in theirs."

She also said she would know it was love, when she could hug me and smell the scent of me on my neck. (The nose knows, I suppose). I guess I had to pass this final test, before she would really know if we were right for each other. I was unsure why she needed this, but I trusted my heart and my feelings.

We met for the first time in person the night before the reunion at a little inn in the small town where she and I were raised.

She opened her door and, for the first time in almost 50 years, I saw those ice-blue eyes again and her smile.

While we hugged, she buried her face in my neck. It was a warm, sweet and endearing embrace. It felt natural and right, and without either of us saying a word, I knew I loved her and I also knew she loved me.

An air of intimacy seemed to envelop us and no matter where we went that weekend, we felt compelled to be touching, whether sitting close together, or holding hands and staring silently into each other's eyes and getting lost there. It felt then, (and still does), like we're hooked deeper than our minds, emotions, and even our bodies.

Our journey to love had been a long, sometimes painful, and often confusing one. When we met again, nearly fifty years later, I had given up my search for the right girl and she no longer searched for mister right. We had arrived at a time in our lives when we had stopped hoping and looking at all. Each of us was content to be on our own. Then this magical … something … happened.

The mystery of love brought us together so we could experience a life together and learn what it means to be in love for real.

And you know what? She was right. I did see the love in her eyes, and when I breathed her in, her scent went all the way to my soul ...

Meet the love of my life … CJ Heck.”

Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018.
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