Toddlers: Less Rules, More Attention

Only the basic rules can be understood

Q) How can we punish a two year-old who doesn’t seem affected by anything. He won’t listen to us and only does what we said NOT to do.

Toddler children need direction and attention — lots of it. To a child of two, any kind of attention is still attention. When they don’t get enough positive attention, they’ll settle for and go after negative attention.

When setting rules for a two-year old, ask yourself what are THE most important rules? Throw out all of the others —save them for when they’re old enough to understand rules. A child of two hasn’t the capacity to fully realize what a rule is.

Only the most important rules should be enforced:

Children, by their very nature, will test rules. The more you have, the more there are for them to test and, as a result, the more you will react by getting upset. At the age of two, rules should center around teaching kindness and love by our example. Rules should center around the child’s personal safety by repetition and by your example:

“HOT! Don’t touch that! That’s a (stove, fireplace, heater) and it will burn you!”

“STOP! Don’t go in the street! Cars can hurt you!”

“Stop! Don’t hit your sister. That hurts and makes her cry. We need to give her a hug and say, ‘I’m sorry’. That will help make it better.”

At two, acting out is their way of getting attention, maybe the only way they know how to get it. I agree, it takes extra effort on a parent’s part, but they’re well worth investing the effort.

Punishment should be simple, say a time-out; sitting in a chair alone for five minutes to think about how they should have behaved. Time can be increased as the child ages.

Reinforce positive behavior with positive attention. Spend time with them.

Sit on the couch, pat the cushion beside you, tell them you need a hug, or you would love to have them sit beside you.

Teach them a nursery rhyme. Little ones that age love rhyme and rhythm. Or say a funny tongue twister — say it fast and giggle at the end, “Wow, that was fast! Can you say it with me? Let’s see who can say it the fastest!”

Color with them in a coloring book. Name the colors — it’s not too early for them to learn colors. Have them point to something in the room the same color you’re teaching .

(pointing) “Red. Can you say it with me? Red.”

“Red.”

“Can you show me something else that’s red?”

If you’re busy getting supper, let them help. Pull a chair up to the sink. Give them a large mixing bowl with water and a wooden spoon so they can “cook”, too. Tell them what you are cooking and ask them what they’re making.

If you’re peeling potatoes, give them some peelings for their mixing bowl to stir around as they pretend to “cook”, too.

Children need our love and attention. More than anything else, they want to be with us. They also want to be just like us so it’s important that we are the sort of person we want them to be like.

We are our child’s best teacher.

It will be well worth all the effort ...

Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018.
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