As a TWA flight attendant back in the 70’s, out of San Francisco, I saw some weird things on a few flights. However, there was this one flight that stands all by itself when I think about a weird flight. There wasn’t just one weird thing that happened. It was the entire leg of a coast-to-coast to New York with a stopover somewhere in between to drop off and pick up passengers.
We boarded our one special needs passenger first, a blind man. We seated him where he would have the most leg room, in the row just behind the bulkhead between first class and coach. His German shepherd seeing-eye dog made himself comfortable by diving under the man’s seat.
Next was a large group from a southern Baptist Church. They had attended some sort of three-day symposium. They boarded, Bibles in hand, with a hearty “Praise the Lord!” in answer to our “Welcome to TWA Flight 1234”.
An hour into the flight, the captain turned on the Seat Belt Sign. He announced over the PA that we were heading into some heavy turbulence and for everyone to remain calm and stay buckled in their seats.
I was working coach with Jennifer and we had the drink cart in the aisle when the bouncing began. I had experienced turbulence before, but this was off the chart, side-to-side jerking along with sudden drops in altitude.
“A-MEN, OH LORD, A-MEN.”
Jen and I exchanged looks that said, “Oh great. We’re going to need more barf bags.” We did our best to continue the in-flight service.
**As a side note, these comments were accompanied by other variations in wording and all shouted at the same time by the Baptists with each bounce and jerk of turbulence.
“A-MEN! OH LORD! A-MEN!”
Midway down the aisle, the turbulence was so severe, it was hard to remain standing. Every bounce, jerk, and drop in altitude, was punctuated by shouts of “AMEN, OH LORD, AMEN” from our Baptists.
Then I noticed an ugly pungent smell. Jen’s eyes grew huge —she smelled it, too. She searched both sides of the aisle on her side of the beverage cart and I did the same on mine.
The turbulence was getting worse. The captain apologized again and explained that the weather ahead was bad, too, so we had no option to go to another altitude. He was doing his best to locate an airport that would allow us to land.
“AMEN, OOOH LORD! AMEN!”
My partner found where the ugly smell was coming from. The poor seeing-eye dog under his master’s seat had explosive diarrhea and after it sprayed out of him, it ran everywhere.
We abruptly ended our drink service and securely stowed the cart. We were going to need all the barf bags we could find.
“A-MEN! OH MY LORD! A-MEN!”
It was impossible to assess the problem with the dog. Each time we got close enough to look, he felt threatened for his master and went into protection mode. He bared his teeth and growled at us.
“AMEN, OOOH LORD! AMEN!”
We opted for covering the entire mess with wet paper towels, but it was too late to stop the smell. It had already filled the cabin.
People were filling their barf bags because of the turbulence and as the faint smell of vomit joined the other one, it was all I could do not to throw up, too.
“JE-SUS SAVE US! OH LORD A-MEN!”
Determined to be professional, no matter what and armed with large trash bags, we collected the used barf bags and offered new ones. We did our best to console our terrified passengers, dropped more wet paper towels over the dog poop, and to keep from falling, we held the seat backs as we moved in the aisle.
“AMEN-N-N! A-A-AMEN-N!”
Then the captain spoke again. “Well, folks, they’ve taken pity on us. We’ve been given permission to land. Looks like we’ll get out of the storm, but we’re a long way from our destination. I apologize again for any inconvenience.
“JE-SUS SAVE US! OH LORD A-MEN!”
I know there will be disappointed relatives and missed flight connections. Once we land, the crew will do everything they can to rectify any problems. TWA will put everyone up for the night. Thanks for your patience —and for choosing TWA.”
I was sure thankful I wasn’t part of the cleaning crew …
Amen and Hallelujah!
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If you've got a number of these anecdotes, you've got a great "airplane book" LOL
May I never be on a flight like that one. I don't know how you made it through the flight without barfing and pooping yourself!