What's the Weirdest Flight You've Taken?

It's almost beyond description ...

As a flight attendant back in the 70s, I saw a lot of strange things, but on this flight, it wasn’t just one weird thing, it was the entire flight —a long non-stop to where, I don’t remember anymore, only that it was very long.

We boarded our one special needs passenger first, a blind man, and seated him where he would have the most leg room, in the row behind the bulkhead between first class and coach. His German shepherd seeing-eye dog made himself comfortable by diving under the man’s seat.

Next to board was a large group from a southern Baptist Church, their Bibles in hand, and a hearty “Praise the Lord!” in answer to our “Welcome to TWA Flight XXX”.

An hour into the flight, the captain turned on the Seat Belt Sign. He announced we were heading into some very heavy turbulence and for everyone to please remain in their seats with their seat belts fastened.

I was working coach on the flight and we had the drink cart midway in the aisle when the bouncing began. I had experienced turbulence before, but this was off the chart! There was side-to-side jerking along with sudden drops in altitude and it was next to impossible to remain on our feet.

“OH LORD, A-MEN!” From our Baptist passengers.

My partner and I exchanged looks that said, “Great. We’re going to need a lot more barf bags.” We did our best to finish the in-flight service.

Midway down the aisle, the turbulence was so severe, it was hard to remain standing. Every bounce, jerk, and drop in altitude, was punctuated by shouts from our Baptists.

“AMEN, OH LORD, A - MEN”

Used barf bags were collected in trash bags and new ones passed out almost continually.

Then I noticed an ugly pungent smell. I watched my partner’s eyes grow huge as she also caught an introductory whiff. We searched both sides of the aisle on our end of the cart, trying to find where the odor was coming from.

Suddenly, the turbulence worsened. The captain apologized again and explained that the weather ahead was bad, too, and we had no option to go to another altitude. He was doing his best to locate an airport that would take pity on us and allow us to land.

“AMEN, OOOH LORD! A-MEN!”

My partner found where the smell was coming from. The poor seeing-eye dog under his master’s seat had explosive diarrhea and it was sprayed everywhere.

My biggest fear was running out of barf bags.  The cabin was now filled with the odor of dog poo laced with vomit …

We stowed the drink cart. The drops in altitude caused the contents of the cart to go airborne more than once and someone was going to get hurt. It had also become impossible to assess the problem with the seeing-eye dog. Each time we got close enough to take a look, he went into protection mode, bared his teeth, and growled.

“AMEN, OOOH LORD! A-MEN!”

We opted for covering what we could see of the mess with wet paper towels, but it was too late to curtail the smell. That was already filling the cabin to join the odor of vomit.

People were filling their barf bags because of the turbulence and the smell.  It was all I could do not to throw up, too.

Determined to remain professional no matter what, we held onto the seat backs as we went up and down the aisle collecting used barf bags in trash bags and offering new ones.  Whenever possible, we consoled our terrified passengers and dropped more wet paper towels over the runny dog poo.

“AMEN, A-A-AMEN!”

Then the captain spoke again. “Well, folks, they’ve taken pity on us. We’ve been given permission to land. Looks like we’ll get out of the storm, but we’re a long way from our destination. I apologize again for the inconvenience.

I know there will be disappointed relatives and missed flight connections. Once we land, the crew will do everything they can to rectify any problems. TWA will put everyone up for the night. Thanks for your patience —and thanks for choosing TWA.”

That may have been one of my least-favorite flights, but boy was I glad I wasn’t part of the cleaning crew …

Hallelujah.

Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018.
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