When Toddlers Get Upset

Tell them you would cry, too ...

I remember one trip to Walmart.  I saw a mother pushing a grocery cart with a screaming toddler in the child seat.  Mom was upset because the toddler was upset and she kept warning him to stop crying, or she would give him something to really cry about.  She told him to sit still, stop crying, and that was the end of it ---and stop being a big baby!

I’m 74 and I’ve been around children the greater part of my life. I was oldest of six children, I raised three daughters of my own, and they’ve given me eleven grandchildren. I’ve learned a lot of things about children first-hand and also by trial and error.  When I heard how the mother was talking to the toddler, I cringed.  She was going about it the hard way.  He just couldn’t make her understand.

The last thing we want to do is tell a toddler what they should and shouldn’t cry about. The next to last thing would be to tell them while they’re crying that they shouldn’t be crying over something so trivial. Toddlers are at an age when what makes them cry today, may not bother them at all tomorrow. To be honest, the very same thing they’re crying about today might make them laugh tomorrow.

It has always been my experience that the best way to handle crying is to hear them out. Find out what happened and offer compassion and a hug. A lot of times, they’re just touchy because they’re tired, or hungry. Everyone, child or adult, is more vulnerable when we’re at a disadvantage.

When you tell a crying toddler something is too small to be crying about, it only makes things worse, because obviously, you don’t understand the importance of their issue. They may even cry harder, louder, and longer, especially if you insist on telling them to stop, or worse, you call them a big baby for crying at all.

Show compassion. Tell them you would probably cry over that, too!  It’s amazing how fast that dries up tears. There’s no one they look up to and admire more than you. If you say you would probably cry, too, well then, that tells them you understand exactly how they feel.

Put yourself in their shoes for just a minute, I think it will help. Okay, you’ve been working really hard at something that goes all wrong and you’re upset. You go to your significant other and tell them about it, fully expecting them to understand and show compassion.

How would you feel if they tell you it’s nothing, and it’s stupid to get upset over nothing, especially if they call you a big baby for being upset at all.  Just as bad is when they tell you you’re over-reacting! That really puts things in perspective, wouldn’t you agree?

Raising a toddler is 50% fortitude and 50% compassion.

50% plus 50% equals 100% LOVE.

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