Widows Remarrying

Will you? Won't you?

Before my first book was published in 2000, I wrote a weekly children’s column in a local newspaper for nearly a year.  Once the book was released, I gave up the children’s column.  Life just got too complicated, with a book tour and then Author elementary school visits, which I absolutely fell in love with.

My biography mentions that I’m a Vietnam War widow and I was often asked how a widow feels about moving on, or not moving on, after losing a spouse.  Loyalty and respect played a significant role, but I met a lot of widows in my support groups and learned there are a lot of valid reasons why they do, or don’t remarry:

For some, it was a choice never to marry again. They felt they had the best of all husbands and they would never find that again.  They go on to honor their marriage vows for the rest of their lives. It became a conscious decision never to love anyone that much again —and they never do.

There are others who insist they’ll never love anyone again, yet they do and they go on to remarry and are happy again.

A number of widows shared their husbands’ unselfish request that if anything ever happened to them, they wanted their wives to remarry so they wouldn’t have to be alone.  

Some widows move on right away, remarrying the first person who comes along and proposes, even someone they don’t love. They need the security of not being alone.

Some remarry because they loved their husbands. They were happy being married and they want that same closeness again.  Right or wrong, they feel they can duplicate what they previously had.

Some widows will stay single because it is so much easier than being married.  They enjoy their freedom and have less to do around the house.

If they were caretakers for a terminal spouse for several years, they often choose to stay single.  They enjoy having their time to themselves again.

Financially, some widows cannot remarry. They're getting their husband’s pension and to remarry, they would lose it.  If they fall in love again, they have no choice but to live together with a partner.

Finally, there are widows who were so miserable being married that they don’t ever want that again. They stay single for the rest of their life and they never regret it.

There is no set pattern for whether widows stay single, or remarry.  It’s purely personal, based on the individuals involved.