Working Moms vs. Stay at Home Moms

Children Should Always Come First.

When I was much younger and still doing Author school visits, I often spoke to PTA Groups of teachers and parents the evening before my school visit. When I finished, I loved answering questions. Most had to do with writing, tips for getting their book published, or about poetry and reading in general.

Every so often, they asked more personal questions: When your children were young, how did you find time to write? Did you work? Do you think mothers should stay home raising children?

I told them I didn’t have an easy answer. Every family unit is different. What worked for me may not work for anyone else. There are other variables:

Mom might have to work because they rely on her income to help pay bills;
Mom is a single mother and she has to work;
Mom wants to work. Her career is important and she trusts their nanny.

I have mixed feelings. Ideally, I feel it’s best for children to grow up with a stay at home mother. Children will grow up with similar values, personality traits, ways to problem solve, and share love and affection like their parents.

But I also realize that isn’t always an option. Sometimes the mother does have to work —for whatever reason.  In that case, a wise and obvious first choice would be to have a trusted family member care for the children.  If that isn’t possible, at least someone who has similar values the parents trust.

It can be troublesome, knowing children learn what they live and no two families have the same value system. Children watch, listen, copy and remember what they learn every day during their formative years.

With unrelated caretakers, their values and personality traits may be very different from those of the parents. Children copy coping skills, good and not so good personality traits, and could even replicate a caretaker’s negative anger management issues.

Other considerations: mothers who work miss out on a lot of important ‘firsts’ with their children: the first tooth, first baby steps, first day of preschool or kindergarten and sometimes, even baby’s first words.

There are also mothers who for whatever reason want to work —they choose to put careers first because they know they couldn’t be a stay at home mother raising children.

I had a friend like that years ago. She often said, “I work because if I had to stay home every day with my kids, I would probably kill them.” I didn’t believe her, of course, but raising children does take a lot of time, and truckloads of patience —things she must have known she was lacking. In my friend’s case, her mother was her children’s caretaker and she trusted her.

I was in yet a third group. I was a stay at home mother until my youngest was in school. That allowed me to work a job with mother’s hours so I could be home when my children were home.  That worked for me, because I was still a stay at home mother while also helping to support the family.

I chose to drive a special needs school bus van. My holidays all coincided with the school system’s holidays, teacher days off, and school breaks, plus I had summers off. Mother’s hours worked for me so I could be home when my children were home.

No matter which way a mother chooses to go, the needs, love and guidance of her children should be an important consideration—but always with the best interests of the children in mind. 

Children should always come first.

Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018.
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