World's Meanest Mother

Of Curfews and Teens

My three daughters and I have always had an unique connection. In their teens, love mixed with their competitive natures and made for explosive arguments and interesting apologies later.  Somehow, thankfully, they always found their way back to the mother/daughter connection.

When they were in high school, they had a midnight curfew. I would have given anything if cellphones had been invented and they could have called to tell me they would be late ---and why.

As it was, I met them at the front door and they were grounded. I tried to explain this mother’s frantic worry —my mind imagined them in an accident, raped and abandoned somewhere, or worse.  Add to that a silent trigger that got pulled, each time one of them missed curfew.  It was based on trust as I waited for my new husband to come home from Vietnam ---he did come home, but he was in a coffin.

As teens are known to do, Mom’s worry was declared silly and pushed aside. I was, “The meanest mother in the world” for grounding them for a week.

(I told them they were wrong. My mother was actually “The meanest mother in the world.”)

All was forgotten within a few days. They apologized for missing curfew, the reason why was discussed and, “Mom, I don’t really think you’re mean.”

That mother/daughter connection only grew closer once they were adults and married with children of their own. The arguments we once had, had become suddenly clearer to them when experienced through their children.

Now they are the “meanest mothers in the world”. I just smile.  What goes around comes around … even if it’s years and years later.  At one time or another, my girls have experienced almost identical scenarios with their children when they became teens.

“Mom, I never understood why it was such a big deal when we missed curfew —it’s terrifying. You picture them dead somewhere and it’s awful! I understand now and I’m sorry I made you feel like that.”

I imagine this same scenario plays out in families everywhere. Parents think the worst because we’re well aware of the “bad guys” that are out there and what they would and could do to our children, but for the Grace of God.

What teens fail to realize is, the curfew is for their safety, not because mom and dad want to boss them or be mean. They are far safer at home —and a curfew keeps mom and dad sane, knowing where they are.

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