I was thinking about relationships last night, wondering what makes the good ones good? What is the most destructive element to a healthy loving relationship?
I believe a lack of honesty is what most often breaks down a relationship. There is nothing worse than a lie. It undermines the relationship and hurts the one lied to because once the truth comes out, it destroys trust —-and you have to have trust. Without trust, the relationship’s anchor is gone and it all comes unraveled.
Being truthful and being honest are two different things. We shouldn't confuse them. Honesty is more than telling the truth. Someone can be honest and still be telling a lie. For instance …
A husband suspects his wife is cheating. He gathers his courage and asks. His wife tells him she isn’t seeing anyone else. It isn't a lie. The truth is, she is involved on the computer with a man. They meet online for chatroom sex and sometimes phone sex. She is being honest, but not truthful.
In this case, was it better to tell a half-truth than the whole truth? The wife wasn't having a physical affair or being unfaithful, per se. Wouldn't telling her husband about the phone sex only hurt him needlessly?
In a loving, trusting relationship, everything is about truth. Trust is both partners opening their hearts and being vulnerable with each other. They trust they’re loved and they hide nothing. For the heart to stay open to love, there can’t be any walls between them and no fear and guilt which will become walls. If we’re not completely truthful, (honest), the heart won’t stay open to love.
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. When someone tells a lie, or even a half-truth, the closeness breaks down because the liar knows they weren’t being truthful. That brings guilt and the fear of being caught in the lie. This builds a wall between them —the relationship breaks down and it will eventually crumble.
The wife should have been honest and truthful. Had she trusted that her husband loved her enough to hear it, the relationship might have had a chance. Without truth, honesty, and trust, the relationship suffers. When fear and guilt are added into the mix the relationship probably has no chance of being saved.
Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
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Great message on relationships. You pinpointed important places on relationships. Honesty is a vital element in creating relationships. Honesty is one of my core values so I establish relationships with honest people. Apart from that, tolerance and respect is also important. I believe you can't stay with someone who doesn't respect you and it is something which is reciprocal.
Tolerance should also be there because we all have different values, likes and dislikes. But we stay together because we recognize these are part of life and for us to stay together we must accept these things
That is so true—that even if the kid doesn’t get caught, simple the guilt of it all has a way of corroding things! Honesty is scary, but so needed in a healthy relationship!! Well put article, CJ!