Once a Midwife
A Dear Sweet Friend
I remember years ago when a very dear friend was expecting her first child. She was so excited. Her husband was in the military and deployed, so she asked me if, besides being her friend, would I please be her Lamaze partner, her confidence booster, and her ride to ultrasound appointments? I agreed. We had been friends forever and I told her I would consider it an honor.
Things had been going really well for her with the Lamaze classes and doctor appointments.  I went to her apartment and we painted the nursery. Sometime around week 30, she called. She hadn’t felt the baby move all day and she was worried. She made an ultrasound appointment for the next morning.
It broke my heart. The doctor was unable to find any heartbeat and there was no movement. For whatever reason, the baby had died. I felt so helpless. All I could do was hold her as she cried. Before we left, the doctor told us there was no way of knowing when, but her body would eventually expel the baby. She would go into labor like a regular birth.
It was a long two weeks and then I got a 2:00 a.m. phone call. She was in labor. By the time we got to the hospital and she was assigned a room, her contractions were coming hard and close together. As I pushed the call button for a nurse, my friend told me to stay, because it was time to push.
It only took three good pushes and the poor little girl was there in my hands, just as the nurse came in the room. She washed the baby, wrapped her in a pink blanket, a little fitted pink hat, and handed her to my friend. We both sat and cried at the injustice and sadness of it all.
I don’t know what I expected, but the baby girl was beautiful and tiny and so perfectly formed. She looked like she was only sleeping.
I had been a makeshift midwife, but I was thankful I could be there for my friend. I love her dearly, but that remains one of the saddest experiences of my life.
I was part of a home delivery project in San Francisco. I did rhe photodocumentation. Fortunstely I never eitnessed anything like what you described. However, I do remember s woman who was only doing it to please her husband,who seemed a bit of a jerk. In her forteth hour of labor she insisted on going to the hospital. She delivered within minutes of arriving. I alwaysvfet that the advising doctor at the couple's home should have overruled them, especially the husband, and dent the young woman to SF General.