15 Comments
User's avatar
Jo-Ann Petrarca's avatar

CJ, I remember those days like they were yesterday. I would skip school to march and protest against the war. A few of my male friends were in the front lines. I’m trying not to cry because I can’t see. My condolences 💐, I cannot imagine the pain, the questions and confusion you must have gone through. I want you to know that not one of my friends had disrespect for the men who served. We all wanted everyone home and for the government to stop this nonsense. I haven’t seen any of my guy friends in years, not sure if they’re still alive. But I can say, what they went through was horrifying, and when they came back, all three were not well psychologically damaged. The stories would make you ill and I’m sure you’re more than aware. Thank you CJ, always interesting to read your life experiences. 🙏

Expand full comment
C.J. Heck's avatar

Thank you, Jo-Ann. That was a long time ago and I’m in a good place now, but I really appreciate your heartfelt comments. Strange, how Vietnam was so many decades ago and questions keep popping up, asking about something from back then.

Expand full comment
agnusde2017's avatar

Some of us, instead of going to jail or Canada, managed to stay a step or two ahead of the unfriendly knock on the door or the hostile inquiries to friends and family. And when it was over it really wasn't. There were the VA hospitals, the mental institutions, the broken lives, the maytag cities under expressway, and the graves of suicides who never regained their places among the living. My life lesson from those days has been sorrow and paranoia.

Broken Melody: Virginibus Puerisque

This night, as I am listening to old songs,

I know that music will not right old wrongs.

I met an ivory girl with golden hair,

And catgut strings on her well-tuned guitar.

We sat together on the oval line;

She sang as sweetly as a thrush in pine.

As her clear voice chimed through the stale CS,

I almost overlooked that lingering gas.

Young paratroopers opened up a breach

Through which a brawny marshal burst to beat

Guitar and girl with an oak riot stick.

Her singing ceased, the sticky blood ran thick,

And she sunk into a dark pool of gore

That soaked the broken strings on the cool floor.

The medivac took her. I saw red rain

And golden hair. We never met again.

--------------------

This poem which originated in the recent past. The incident, my recollection of a slice in time, is considerably older-- more than fifty years from where I am remembering it.

Virginibus puerisque: From Horace, Odes 3.1.

carmina non prius

     audita Musarum sacerdos

     virginibus puerisque canto.

I, a priest of the Muses, sing for girls and boys songs never heard before.

the stale CS: a few hours earlier airborne troops had fired several volleys of gas into the

crowd. Masked soldiers worked the crowd, isolating individuals and bludgeoning them with wood truncheons.

The paratroopers were pretty well disciplined, but the federal marshals at times seemed crazed, glassy eyed as they beat unarmed kids. Afterwards the media reported there had been no serious injuries. I still find that hard to believe.

----------------

On the Killing in Ukraine

Do not disturb the ghosts of Babi Yar,

Who lie in the shadows of this old ravine,

Where winter light shines on the shattered feldspar.

The doors of memory here stand ajar,

Opening onto a cold, denatured scene:

They sleep here, all those ghosts of Babi Yar.

The land's contours conceal a bitter scar

Where time is passing in a sad dream,

And winter light shines on the shattered feldspar.

Here let there be no untoward sound to mar

This quiet stretch of rock and sprawling green

That holds the muted voices of Babi Yar.

They rest here, having come from near and far.

Among the monuments and well trimmed green,

Cold winter light shines on the shattered feldspar.

Once more there is a cacophony of war,

But the sharp, lonesome winds quiver and keen,

"Do not disturb the ghosts of Babi Yar,

Where winter light shines on the shattered feldspar.

-------------------------

At Babi Yar Ukrainian Fascists, sympathizers and other partisans twice escorted their Jewish brethren to their deaths. Some took part in the mass executions, while others rifled through the suitcases of the victims, separating the valuables.

In the current war in Ukraine The Azov Brigades, notorious for Nazi sympathies and rousing of Jews, Muslims and Roma, have distinguished themselves against the Russians. Recently an avowed spokesperson for the Azov contingent has declared that the Brigades have abandoned their Fascist ways.

First published in The Hypertexts.

------------------------

The War between the Rivers: Twenty Years Later

After twenty years

There are still more tears

Than rain on fallen leaf

And wounded, silent grief:

Children, parents, wives

Search for stolen lives

Among broken bones,

Below bone-white headstones,

For after twenty years

There are still more tears

Than rain on fallen leaf

And wounded, silent grief.

-------------------

March 20, 2023 marked the twentieth anniversary of the War in Iraq, in which, according to morgue censuses , between 800,000 and 1,000,000 may have perished. The U.S. still maintains a force of 2,500 soldiers in Iraq, that divides its time between securing the country for the Iranians and conducting operations in the national interest such as shelling Syria.

Expand full comment
C.J. Heck's avatar

Nice writing, Bob. The fallout from that war is significant. Did it leave anyone untouched? I wonder.

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Kathleen Hobbs's avatar

I remember those times vividly. Unfortunately, some of my friends never made it home from Vietnam just young boys.

Expand full comment
C.J. Heck's avatar

I’m sorry for your loss, Kathleen. I wonder if our country learned anything significant from the Vietnam War. There were so many things to be learned …

Expand full comment
Francesca Bossert's avatar

Oh, CJ, what insensitive words you received. You were all so young, too. I remember the images on television, I was very young, but it stayed. I think my first boyfriend’s father was involved with the final airlift out of Saigon; he worked for UNHCR at the time. I recently read The Women, by Kristin Hannah, which was terribly sad of course , but I learnt a lot about the war and its aftermath.

Expand full comment
C.J. Heck's avatar

Hello Cesca. Thank you for reading and for your kind comments.

Expand full comment
C. Mercaldi-Cotton's avatar

It's absolutely impossible for me to imagine looking a war widow in the eye and saying/asking some of the things that were put to you. I just listened to a song from the '70s, Easy to Be Hard by Three-Dog-Night. More people should listen to that song and hear the words, take them deeply to heart, and remember them the next time it's so easy for them to be hard.

Expand full comment
C.J. Heck's avatar

Those were different times back then, Carol. I understand that now. They were mad at the government honchos and they took it out on the returning vets. I was just collateral damage. Nothing personal. To them, it was like getting even with the government through vets —I loved a vet and lost one, so I was fair game, too. Not the right thing to do but I do understand their misplaced anger.

I would like to say something like that couldn’t/wouldn’t happen again today, but I can’t. If the government went into another war where our freedom wasn’t at risk, we would have a repeat of the Vietnam War Era. God help the vets and widows …

Expand full comment
Rod Bluhm's avatar

I don’t remember much about that time period, C.J. I’m am sorry for your loss and appreciate the service and sacrifice of all who serve. We judge others so quickly and without compassion, and need to be better.

Expand full comment
C.J. Heck's avatar

Thank you, Rod. Your words comfort me and I appreciate your support. Thank you, too, for the restack.

Expand full comment
Rod Bluhm's avatar

Anytime, C.J.

Expand full comment
Sandy Shaller's avatar

C.J., I'm heartbroken that you had the terrible tragedy plus the thoughtless comments on insensitive imbeciles. Your husband was a brave man entangled in a tragic conflict. I was in college at the time becoming a teacher, and because of a countrywide search for educators, I was deferred and assigned to a school. I can't say that I wasn't relieved, and I loved teaching and did it and became head of an elementary divison for 43 years. But, I've never gotten over my escape and my agony for people like you and your husband. My family sends you love and respect.

Expand full comment
C.J. Heck's avatar

Thank you for your heartfelt comments, Sandy. I’m happy you were deferred and assigned to a school. That war took way too many of our young men. I detect some Survivor Guilt in your words, but please, I assure you, it wasn’t in any way your fault that you didn’t go over there. No blame —no one blames you.

Let’s just hope and pray something like it never comes around again. I feel very strongly that war should only mean our freedom and way of life is being threatened. No more fighting wars for other countries. They don’t want us there anyway.

Send the stuffed shirts in Washington! Let them duke it out … 😂🤣😁

Expand full comment