There's no doubt something is going on in that brain/mind of his and he's unable to break free of it. I wonder if he is so negatively opinionated and then dismissive of other people's rebuttals or is it just something to do with you? Most people feel something negative about at least one person in their family. It's almost unavoidable. But "most people" are able to keep it under wraps at least while in the disfavored one's presence. Your brother is literally eaten up to the point he can't hide his negative feelings. For him to say "Everything about you" is an irritation to him--that really says much more about him and his problem than it does about you. He sounds like he'll never be really 100% at peace with himself and the world until you're no longer in it! Is it jealousy? It rather sounds like it.
I see it much the same way, Carol. I think how he feels is bolstered by the booze … a la “Loose lips sink ships.”
My youngest sister, 13 years my junior, said he has always been obnoxious. I was married and out of the house so I never really saw it, I guess. That’s unfortunate, if it’s true, allowing such negative thoughts to consume him.
I don’t understand him. He and his wife are wealthy. They could buy and sell all of us sibs and yet he isn’t satisfied in his own mind.
It sounds like your brother has a problem C J . If and when he wants to talk just let him be . You were doing the right thing with your dad . None of brothers business why you chose to be happy in life , A bad marriage isn't worth having to work for , True love is very much worth it . Hugs and peace to you and family
I think that to own being a black sheep is a metaphor for allowing ourselves to be who we are. Also, without wanting to label anybody,sounds like your brother is an alcoholic.
Thank you for your reply, Marilyn. Yes, on both accounts! I’m okay with being a black sheep and different —what is intolerable is having my nose rubbed in the differences which is passing judgment.
Yes, I have also decided he has a drinking problem.
I'm sorry you have dealt with this for so many years. You can only control what YOU do and how you react. Misery loves company, perhaps that's the only way he relates. I have people like that in my life who seem happiest when they complain or criticize. Putting down others is a means of trying to make themselves better
C.J., unfortunately, really, (I’m sure you knew already), every family has a story similar to this. I’m sorry that it was hurtful. I, too, have a brother who is not on speaking terms…in fact, he doesn’t admit he has a sister called Wen…that’s life…
I’m sorry you also have a similar problem. I didn’t realize there were other families with similar stories. That’s sad to me and it just shouldn’t be that way.
In my case, we were all so close growing up! It never occurred to me that a problem would or could ever arise.
Being the black sheep of the family has never bothered me. In fact, I've grown accustomed to it. Occasionally, my sister will say something hurtful, but I've come to realize that her words often stem from her own deep-seated pain and insecurities.
When your younger brother lashed out, saying, "Everything you say and do irritates the hell out of me!" it's possible that what they're really saying is, "I wish I could be more like you or be in your position.” His anger may be rooted in feelings of inadequacy or resentment, perhaps stemming from a perceived lack of favoritism from your dad.
In psychological theories surrounding birth order. The middle child syndrome, for instance, suggests that each birth position – firstborn, middle child, and youngest – carries its own unique set of challenges and potential.
Firstborns often exhibit responsible, perfectionistic, and driven traits, shouldering the weight of parental expectations and striving to set a good example. I believe this is where you stood with your parents. In contrast, youngest children tend to be more carefree, attention-seeking, and sometimes spoiled, basking in the affection and indulgence of their parents and older siblings.
I firmly believe that by setting a positive example, we can unite our families and foster a deeper understanding of one another. If your brother, struggles with his own issues, it's essential to remember that their behavior is not a reflection of our worth.
If he chooses to apologize one day, that's wonderful. But regardless of his actions, it's vital to continue being authentic. Forgiveness is key, not for their sake, but for yours. By letting go of resentment and anger, you can break free from the toxic cycle and cultivate a more compassionate, loving environment within your families.
In reality, it’s the ego who gets hurt.
Wishing you a blessed and happy holiday season, C.J. ❤️🙏🏽
Thank you for your excellent comment, Yolanda. It means so much to me, as I was floundering as to how to deal with my brother. I still don’t know quite what to say if we are all together and he again tries to embarrass me in front of my siblings with his rude comments. Up to now, I avoid groupings where I know he will be present. I would like to get away from that.
You did me a great service by your comments, Yolanda, and again I thank you.
I hope your new year is everything you want it to be.
Hi C.J, yes it is sometimes difficult to accept and release and you have. Perhaps your brother is unable to accept some of his decisions and so he projects about yours? Anyway, the holiday season can certainly trigger challenging situations. I only have one sibling, an older sister and finally chose to stay out of the rift she had with our mother… l have been unconventional in that l chose not to have children, and the decision was accepted ‘somewhat’ by my parents. Anyway, peace and love 🥰
I’ve given up trying to figure out what his problem is. Oh Simone, sometimes you just have to say, “That’s it. You won’t help yourself and that’s your main problem —you don’t like yourself very much and you want to bring someone else down with you.” Maybe he even is jealous because I’ve lived my own life away from our home state, away from family, something he may always have wanted to do. Who knows? I sure don’t.
Ah, we have such parallel experiences, C.J.! Wearing the wool of the black sheep as well. Yet, I am quite okay with it. Sometimes it is a bit itchy, still, I know who I am, and it's not one who will conform to unhealthy familial belief systems, to generational dysfunction without will or want to change, or to insistence that differing lives make one better or less. The vocal vitriol or the behind the back gossip is hard and hurtful, though, I know. We black sheep need to carry ourselves with confidence for the turmoil within others was not manifested by us, but comes from within themselves. We can love and hope better for them, without having to subject ourselves to the nastiness of judgement and envy. Questioning time with your father, is likely just that, envy. Could be a bit guilt, too; that they don't do the same. Hard to figure, especially when flames are fueled with alcohol. YOU keep being you, C.J.! Love and hugs and blessings to you! ~Wendy💜
I agree with every word, Wendy. I’m sure I probably did visit my dad as often or more as my brother, so it probably was guilt and envy. It doesn’t matter. I’m okay with who I am, (just keep my brother away from me). He breaks the peaceful nature of visiting the rest of my sibs. You know what I’m talking about.
Thank you for your comments. You are so accepting of your wool color —I’m getting there!
Oh, do I understand the keeping distance to retain our peace! There is no other choice when the other option is chaos. Keep choosing that peace. Super big hugs to you and staying true to yourself! MUCH LOVE! ~Wendy💜🤗
You know I've felt like the black sheep in my family! I was the baby. My brothers were really older than me. They had their own families! I was about 4 or 5 when my oldest brother was married My other brother was in the Navy in Italy when he married a girl he knew when they were children. And I'm the only one who is divorced. And I was really different from everyone! So, I know how you feel!
There's no doubt something is going on in that brain/mind of his and he's unable to break free of it. I wonder if he is so negatively opinionated and then dismissive of other people's rebuttals or is it just something to do with you? Most people feel something negative about at least one person in their family. It's almost unavoidable. But "most people" are able to keep it under wraps at least while in the disfavored one's presence. Your brother is literally eaten up to the point he can't hide his negative feelings. For him to say "Everything about you" is an irritation to him--that really says much more about him and his problem than it does about you. He sounds like he'll never be really 100% at peace with himself and the world until you're no longer in it! Is it jealousy? It rather sounds like it.
I see it much the same way, Carol. I think how he feels is bolstered by the booze … a la “Loose lips sink ships.”
My youngest sister, 13 years my junior, said he has always been obnoxious. I was married and out of the house so I never really saw it, I guess. That’s unfortunate, if it’s true, allowing such negative thoughts to consume him.
I don’t understand him. He and his wife are wealthy. They could buy and sell all of us sibs and yet he isn’t satisfied in his own mind.
Thank you for your thoughts, Carol.
It sounds like your brother has a problem C J . If and when he wants to talk just let him be . You were doing the right thing with your dad . None of brothers business why you chose to be happy in life , A bad marriage isn't worth having to work for , True love is very much worth it . Hugs and peace to you and family
You are very perceptive, Mitch. You picked up on it right away. Thank you.
Hugs and peace already are on their way to you.
I think that to own being a black sheep is a metaphor for allowing ourselves to be who we are. Also, without wanting to label anybody,sounds like your brother is an alcoholic.
Thank you for your reply, Marilyn. Yes, on both accounts! I’m okay with being a black sheep and different —what is intolerable is having my nose rubbed in the differences which is passing judgment.
Yes, I have also decided he has a drinking problem.
Thanks again, Marilyn! ❤️
Don’t have to accept unacceptable behavior.
I agree, Marilyn. I don’t visit with him and his wife. Why ask for trouble?
I'm sorry you have dealt with this for so many years. You can only control what YOU do and how you react. Misery loves company, perhaps that's the only way he relates. I have people like that in my life who seem happiest when they complain or criticize. Putting down others is a means of trying to make themselves better
You are so right, Heidi. He’s a drama king, makes a fortune in Real Estate Sales in Columbus OH and doesn’t let anyone forget it.
C.J., unfortunately, really, (I’m sure you knew already), every family has a story similar to this. I’m sorry that it was hurtful. I, too, have a brother who is not on speaking terms…in fact, he doesn’t admit he has a sister called Wen…that’s life…
I’m sorry you also have a similar problem. I didn’t realize there were other families with similar stories. That’s sad to me and it just shouldn’t be that way.
In my case, we were all so close growing up! It never occurred to me that a problem would or could ever arise.
Being the black sheep of the family has never bothered me. In fact, I've grown accustomed to it. Occasionally, my sister will say something hurtful, but I've come to realize that her words often stem from her own deep-seated pain and insecurities.
When your younger brother lashed out, saying, "Everything you say and do irritates the hell out of me!" it's possible that what they're really saying is, "I wish I could be more like you or be in your position.” His anger may be rooted in feelings of inadequacy or resentment, perhaps stemming from a perceived lack of favoritism from your dad.
In psychological theories surrounding birth order. The middle child syndrome, for instance, suggests that each birth position – firstborn, middle child, and youngest – carries its own unique set of challenges and potential.
Firstborns often exhibit responsible, perfectionistic, and driven traits, shouldering the weight of parental expectations and striving to set a good example. I believe this is where you stood with your parents. In contrast, youngest children tend to be more carefree, attention-seeking, and sometimes spoiled, basking in the affection and indulgence of their parents and older siblings.
I firmly believe that by setting a positive example, we can unite our families and foster a deeper understanding of one another. If your brother, struggles with his own issues, it's essential to remember that their behavior is not a reflection of our worth.
If he chooses to apologize one day, that's wonderful. But regardless of his actions, it's vital to continue being authentic. Forgiveness is key, not for their sake, but for yours. By letting go of resentment and anger, you can break free from the toxic cycle and cultivate a more compassionate, loving environment within your families.
In reality, it’s the ego who gets hurt.
Wishing you a blessed and happy holiday season, C.J. ❤️🙏🏽
Thank you for your excellent comment, Yolanda. It means so much to me, as I was floundering as to how to deal with my brother. I still don’t know quite what to say if we are all together and he again tries to embarrass me in front of my siblings with his rude comments. Up to now, I avoid groupings where I know he will be present. I would like to get away from that.
You did me a great service by your comments, Yolanda, and again I thank you.
I hope your new year is everything you want it to be.
❤️❤️
The most important thing I know is not to avoid your family gatherings. If you do, you are giving him your power. Keep sending him love. 🙏🏽
All I can do is try … no promises.
Hi C.J, yes it is sometimes difficult to accept and release and you have. Perhaps your brother is unable to accept some of his decisions and so he projects about yours? Anyway, the holiday season can certainly trigger challenging situations. I only have one sibling, an older sister and finally chose to stay out of the rift she had with our mother… l have been unconventional in that l chose not to have children, and the decision was accepted ‘somewhat’ by my parents. Anyway, peace and love 🥰
I’ve given up trying to figure out what his problem is. Oh Simone, sometimes you just have to say, “That’s it. You won’t help yourself and that’s your main problem —you don’t like yourself very much and you want to bring someone else down with you.” Maybe he even is jealous because I’ve lived my own life away from our home state, away from family, something he may always have wanted to do. Who knows? I sure don’t.
Heal fast, my friend.
Peace and love coming back to you.
He might not even know himself. Thanks for the healing vibes CJ 😘
Ah, we have such parallel experiences, C.J.! Wearing the wool of the black sheep as well. Yet, I am quite okay with it. Sometimes it is a bit itchy, still, I know who I am, and it's not one who will conform to unhealthy familial belief systems, to generational dysfunction without will or want to change, or to insistence that differing lives make one better or less. The vocal vitriol or the behind the back gossip is hard and hurtful, though, I know. We black sheep need to carry ourselves with confidence for the turmoil within others was not manifested by us, but comes from within themselves. We can love and hope better for them, without having to subject ourselves to the nastiness of judgement and envy. Questioning time with your father, is likely just that, envy. Could be a bit guilt, too; that they don't do the same. Hard to figure, especially when flames are fueled with alcohol. YOU keep being you, C.J.! Love and hugs and blessings to you! ~Wendy💜
I agree with every word, Wendy. I’m sure I probably did visit my dad as often or more as my brother, so it probably was guilt and envy. It doesn’t matter. I’m okay with who I am, (just keep my brother away from me). He breaks the peaceful nature of visiting the rest of my sibs. You know what I’m talking about.
Thank you for your comments. You are so accepting of your wool color —I’m getting there!
Love and hugs
Oh, do I understand the keeping distance to retain our peace! There is no other choice when the other option is chaos. Keep choosing that peace. Super big hugs to you and staying true to yourself! MUCH LOVE! ~Wendy💜🤗
Thank you, Wendy. Much love and hugs in return. 💞
You know I've felt like the black sheep in my family! I was the baby. My brothers were really older than me. They had their own families! I was about 4 or 5 when my oldest brother was married My other brother was in the Navy in Italy when he married a girl he knew when they were children. And I'm the only one who is divorced. And I was really different from everyone! So, I know how you feel!
We’re like-minded, Connie! I’m okay with being different, but having my nose rubbed in the differences is unacceptable.
Thanks for your input, Connie. ❤️