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C.J. Heck's avatar

Thank you for restacking this post, @CoriBren

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Dave Karpowicz's avatar

CJ We just past September 5th - a day you hold deep in your heart. As the song says " Let your love shine" D

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C.J. Heck's avatar

Yeah, with a cleansing breath, I can move forward again. September 5 is definitely a trigger even after all these years. Amazing.

Always good to hear from you, Dave, and thank you.

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Brenda - A Voice that Wonders's avatar

A wonderful post. Glad you stood up to that jerk. Glad he got a black eye too. Sad to know that your beautiful husband is no longer with you. So sorry. Thank you for this beautiful post. 🍁🍂✨

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C.J. Heck's avatar

Thank you, Brenda. I’m sure he grew up ultra-entitled and Mommy and Daddy never denied him anything. I can’t think of any other reason why he reacted as he did when I told him to leave me alone.

Thank you for your lovely comments!

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Sue Cauhape's avatar

Well, now we all know why this guy was so "eligible."

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C.J. Heck's avatar

Sue, that’s hilarious! He sure thought he was eligible, but I imagine he was a spoiled brat, used to getting his own way.

Thank you for the giggles, Sue!

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Sue Cauhape's avatar

Your post also inspired some thought about the differences between "Christian" churches and Mormonism ... the faith without works is dead crowd. I won't bore you with my ruminations on all t stuff, but I will say his way of relieving himself of personal responsibility is so much more convenient that confessing to a priest and saying a bunch of Hail Mary's to cleanse the soul. So, it's way deeper that a really funny story. BTW, girl, I miss your stories. Where have you been? Or have I missubscribed somewhere. I miss your dinosaurs.

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C.J. Heck's avatar

Everything you said about the troublemaker fits, Sue. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

I’m still here every day and we’re still co-subscribed, hun. Substack has changed things so much lately! I find it hard to find a lot of my tried and true favorites —they’re (you, too) just not put into my feed now and that’s inexcusable! Still doing my daily writing and what I love most, Flash Fiction. I’ve posted several recently, one this morning as a matter of fact.

I don’t know what Substack is trying to do. I see so many new people now. Some are good, some not so much, but I miss you, too, and many others I used to see in my mail every day!

much love, Sue

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Sue Cauhape's avatar

Well this is interesting. I get your posts all the time ... I think? When was the last one of mine you got? And sometimes I wonder if my posts actually get on the Notes feed. When I share to Notes, it pops up a proof that it's there, but I don't get any feedback or see it in the feed at the top of the page like it did a few months ago. Sometimes I feel like I'm being banned or something.

OOOOPS! On closer look, I got you mixed up with Wendy who does the dinosaurs dates. Haven't seen her in a while, but I get your posts. Chalk another one up to senility.

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C.J. Heck's avatar

LOL … S’Okay, Sue. I agree, things are very different now.

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Sue Cauhape's avatar

BTW, you said you hadn't gotten my posts lately? I checked my subscriber list and there was no record of you there. Did you just follow? I'm a little unclear what the difference is between Following and a free Subscription, but if you're interested ....

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Debi Hassler-Never Forsaken's avatar

❤️this

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C.J. Heck's avatar

❤️that you said that. Thank you!

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Sandy Shaller's avatar

C.J. that's a heartbreaking story. Doug was a man who stepped up in many ways and his memory (real or fictional) will be a blessing.

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C.J. Heck's avatar

Oh I guarantee it was real, Sandy. The 5th of September is a day for remembering and then I can put the memories back and go on. Therapy taught me to do that. He called the date a trigger —all part of grief.

I didn’t go through it way back when I should have. The Vietnam Era was a difficult time to go through grief so I buried it. In essence, I have had to go through the stages in the intervening years since.

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Sandy Shaller's avatar

I wish I could send you a giant hug. You, and everyone involved in that lousy, stinking war...the men, the parents of the men, the wives of the men and the children of the men. I was in college during the Vietnam war and thought I would probably get drafted. I was an education major and english minor going for my teachers' license. It was a time when they desperately needed teachers, so I was drafted into a Board of Education school instead of the war.

I love teaching, and 50 years later still work with children, so I know - and never take for granted - how lucky I was.

As I said before, "Doug's memory is a blessing."

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Carole Roseland's avatar

Not all guys would do what Doug did—and I bet the guy with the black eye thought twice about bothering the next girl he tried to ask out!

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C.J. Heck's avatar

The black eye probably went a long way in curing the nuisance at least for awhile!

Thank you, Carole! ❤️

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C.J. Heck's avatar

It was a war unlike any other war. Instead of feeling pride and welcomed home for doing what they were trained and told to do, our returning young men came home feeling guilty, full of survivor guilt and silent, most burying their hurt and pain. Terrible PTSD. I often wondered how Doug would have been had he returned.

I started a blog in Doug’s memory for Vietnam Vets back in 2010 (https://memoirsfromnam.blogspot.com/) to write about everything they had buried for so long. They had/have the real story about that war and I believed (still do) that America is ready to hear now. Writing is cathartic and I felt if I could get vets to write to each other in the blog and share, they would start the healing process.

I’m glad you went into teaching, my friend. What an excellent teacher you were and are.

Thank you for your thoughtful words and for caring.

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Sandy Shaller's avatar

PTSD is a horrible thing. My cousin, Jim, went to Vietnam and he suffers from PTSD. We've talked about how the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder may start in basic training where you're taught to subjugate the primary intuitive directive we all have: the survivial instinct. In the military you're told that the orders from you commanding officer, even if you think that those orders are going to get you killed, you have to do what you're told. There is a price to pay for warping our primary directive.

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C.J. Heck's avatar

PTSD is a silent killer, that’s for sure. People can be taught to override their natural primary need to preserve life, but it only puts a temporary Bandaid on it. The real person has to resurface in time and it’s been mangled, drug through the muck and mire, reshaped, and made to do horrible tragic things it regrets —the guilt becomes a living, breathing entity they can’t face, nor be proud of.

I believe when a country goes to war, the heads of each country should duke it out themselves, not yank our young men from their lives to do the dirty work.

My youngest daughter recently divorced her husband of 23 years who was a Marine force recon sniper out of self preservation. He was deployed far more than time he ever spent at home with her and their four children.

He finally got out on 100% medical disability because of severe TBI (tramatic brain injury), PTSD, alcoholism, night paralysis, blackouts, and he had become physically abusive to her and the children. He was a shell of the man he was at the beginning of their marriage.

That was a terrible price to pay to satisfy the government honchos who decided on war to settle problems …

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Sandy Shaller's avatar

C.J. I feel so sorry for your daughter and her terribly damaged husband. My father-in-law used to say, "Young men get send to die or get PTSD so middle-aged billionaires can preserve their fortunes.

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C.J. Heck's avatar

Thank you for restacking this post about the importance of apologizing, @Robert Cosmar. 💋💋💋

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C.J. Heck's avatar

Thank you for restacking this post, @Wendy Martin

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