The Illusion of Love

Determining whether love is real, or not.

A friend once asked my opinion about something that I know has affected others at one time or another. It happened to me.

“I’ve been seeing Michael and he’s such a great guy.  We have a lot of fun together and we laugh a lot.  He’s very sweet and caring and I really do like him. 

The problem is, last night he said he loved me but I was at a loss.  I didn’t know what to say.  I don’t know yet if I love him.  It’s too soon for me.  I do know I’m really happy when I’m with him. 

But what should I say back without saying ‘I love you, too.’?  I don’t want to hurt him.”

When someone says, “I love you", the first thing we have to remember is, there’s a heart behind the words and the person who said them. They have strong feelings for you and they're hoping you feel the same way, so tread lightly.

Now would be the time to clarify.  It’s possible they’re only saying, “I love being with you.  We have a great time together and you’re a lot of fun.” 

Try saying, “I love being with you, too.  We do have similar interests and we have a great time together!”  What they say next will determine where your conversation will need to go.

If they say, “No, I mean I really do love you.” They’re baring their soul. You’re going to have to do the same.

Be honest with yourself, first. Then you have to be honest with them.  Look into your heart. How DO you feel about this person? If you know you don’t love them, then say so, especially if you’re sure the relationship will never go any further. Be honest and let them down gently.

“I really like you, but I don’t feel the same as you do. I’m sorry.”

If you’re not sure how you feel yet, then be honest about that, too, and say so.

“I’m sorry, I really do like you, but it’s too soon to know how I feel. Could you please give me more time?”

The important thing is, be honest. Telling someone you love them when you know you don’t will only be prolonging the inevitable —when you have to tell them you were lying. 

To have a relationship, it has to be built on mutual honesty and trust ... from the beginning.

Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018.
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