When I’m Gone, What Then?
I'm about to let everyone know...
I may get some flak for this, but I’m one of those people who does not want a funeral. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but this is how I want things to go once I’m gone ...
My family is aware of how I feel. They’ve known for years. Even my Funeral Director son-in-law, who (I think) loves and respects me, knows. While he probably thinks I’m a batty old lady, a funeral with all the trappings is just not for me. I’m relatively sure he respects that, too.
A memorial service … maybe, but that’s all. I don’t want anyone staring down at me, saying how good, (or bad), I look. I’ve been to way too many of them in my time and, truth be known, few ever say what they’re really thinking:
“My God, he/she looks … dead. I hope I won’t look as bad as that when I die.”
Not having a funeral would also be useful (and satisfying) for keeping a couple of ex-husbands away. No doubt, they would come just to make sure I really was … dead.
Add to that, anyone who didn’t bother to spend time with me during my life. Why would I want them to come and gawk at me when I’m gone?
I’ve already told Robert, “When I’m about to take my last breath, kiss me goodbye, prop me in a comfy chair with my favorite photos and a copy of each of my books in my lap, then light a match and set the whole dang chair on fire.
Then collect the ashes. With the money saved without having a funeral, take my three daughters with you on a Caribbean cruise. From the ship’s deck, toss all but a cup of my ashes in the air over the clear beautiful aquamarine water I loved so much in life.
That way, any time you or my girls need to talk, or feel close to me,
Just look up ...
There’s no need to go to a cemetery anywhere. That has been my biggest stumbling block, since leaving Ohio in 1969. I’ve always lived so far away.
When I wanted to feel close and ‘talk’ with loved ones who’ve passed, I’ve always felt a need to be in Ohio near their grave, even though I know in my heart they aren’t there. I don’t want that for you or my daughters.
Just look up ...
When you get home from your cruise, fill a huge box with fireworks and add the last cup of my ashes. Then when it’s dark, go out in the back yard and light ’em all up —you heard me right —just set the whole damn box on fire!”
* ka - B O O M *
Now that’s my idea of a proper send-off …
Published Poet/Writer/Author of 5 books.
Quora Top Writer 2018
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Oh my goodness! I don't want a funeral either. Like you, I could write a whole substack on the reasons for my decision on that matter.
Not wanting a funeral isn’t batty. It’s probably more common than you think. My wife and I have talked about it. Cremation, maybe a memorial. The first time I went through that was with my brother. He never wanted a big to do. He always felt it was all phony, people he didn’t much see or care for showing up. He always said he didn’t want any of the sappy “I remember when stories”. We did the cremation, had a memorial dinner shortly after. It turned into what he didn’t want when some got up and told their stories. I tried to curtail them as much as possible as he wished. It was kept to a minimum and I think he would have been satisfied how it all went. We buried his ashes near where my parents are buried. Again, I think he’d be okay with that since he was on his own away from everyone else who is buried in the same cemetery.
I think your plans are pretty cool. You’re telling everyone what you want, and even why. It shouldn’t be too hard for them to comply and for you to look down on your loved ones with a smile as they at least try to honor your wishes. I’m sure you’d have some clout from above to send down a lightening bolt as a warning if they don’t 😉