I am with you C.J. We give our trust in good faith, it really isn’t earned as the saying goes, perhaps it is earned as a result of betrayal? I think therefore, a break in trust speaks on many levels, and for obvious reasons, intimate relationships… another level … etc. glad you didn’t put up with it . 😊💪💜
Good for you. I haven’t personally experienced infidelity though l have been witness to friends experiencing it. For me there is something sacred about sexual intimacy (passion) in the ‘commitment’ of a partnership, it opens another type of portal … strengthens the connection. I imagine I would have therefore found it unbearable too.
Hi C.J. Can we trust to much probably ,Do way to many forgive to fast yes . Trust me I have been through what you went through a few times . The first time I forgave which was my first serious love . Did she ever cheat again have no idea but most likely . Second one I blame my self , I was a drunk at the time as well as a musician . One night on my gfs birthday , my gf asked if she could go out . I said ok I will get the band over and we can practice . During this time the whole band couldn't show so some of us drank some got high some did both . A female cousin of out guitarist showed up at the house , I had talked to her many times but wasn't attracted to her . She told me my gf was in a park , had been drugged , was drinking heavy , and fooling around with all the guys . Me and my other guitarist went to the park got in a fight with some there , told gf stop by tomorrow get your crap out of apartment . When my guitar player and I got back to Apartment , Denise the other guitarists cousin was still there . Needless to say I was way more drunk by than and yes I went to bed with her . The next day i found out it was Denise that set up the party and gave gf the drugs . I called Denise told her to leave me alone . that lasted about a month until she called and said I need to talk to you , I said ok I will be home for about half an hour . She got to my apartment and handed me a note saying . she was with child and knew it was mine . Did I believe this no , yet said once they can test blood of both and baby let me know .Another month passed and she stopped over , she said come on get in car for the test .I said OK once I could think straight . she was with my child , And told me if i wanted to ever see them I had to marry her . She knew I was adopted and only child so this sat wrong way . stopped drinking drugs and married , because I knew the kind of mom he would be . After 19 years of unloving marriage filled with her sleeping with just about everyone i knew ,I told he kids are old enough now so all can move out . So know years later with very bad health . Do i know i will never find true love yes i do . Was most of this my fault 50 percent . Do i love my kids with all my heart . My advice to all maybe trust once after that forget it . Sorry for such a long response . hugs to all
I don't know what to say, Mitch, other than I'm so sorry you went through all of this. You've really had a difficult time, but better times are ahead. The bad never lasts forever.
Trust is a personal issue and each person has to decide how much trust is given, how much is earned, and whether it will be forgiven if it's broken. Forgiveness is a whole other issue. I learned once the trust you have in someone is broken, and after weighing it in your mind you choose to forgive, you had better be prepared. It's a hard road. Trying to trust again (distrust) is a miserable sidekick and it's always there. I wasn't good at it at all. I was suspicious of every phone call I walked in on, every 'errand' he had to do, and I found myself looking closely at credit card bills, phone bills, and it just became too much for me.
If you decide to give them another chance, do it freely and you have to really mean it. It didn't work for me. It must be a glitch in me, I don't know. It's a bit like putting your hand into a flame and getting burned. "Once burned, twice shy."
I hope things are better for you now. Hold your children close, hug them often, tell them you love them. Be safe, Mitch. Things will get better.
I don't regret raising my kids basically on my own . I love them dearly . Yes trust is a personal issue . Yet I did what I had too . My kids when I was at work would call me if she had someone or more over ,I would go get them and take them to a park . I could only wish things were better now . Yet i don't regret a thing I did with my kids .
I have no doubt that you are a good father, Mitch. You obviously love them dearly and your concern for them is clear. I do hope you are not still involved with the partner who hurt you, although you almost have to be when children are involved or you wouldn't get to see them. It's a sad situation and I'm sorry you are having to live with it.
No we didn't see each other for years .Than she passed on 2 x masses ago . I have had my son with me since , I got him off heroin . That was 2016 . Now we are doing great thank you .
It has been wonderful meeting you Cj .And talking to you .I just wish everything here didn't cost money , or i knew more. Because like to tell my whole story for all to read and digest . I think it would shock some and wake some up .
It depends on individual 's perception whether to rebuild and create confidence to move forward is a tough and difficult exercise. It needs to recheck and watch carefully to please and pay attention makes an impact and gives an opportunity to meet then consider it as well as possible through various means gives confidence and courage to determine and dedicate to sacrifice and focus more on concrete like the original relationship is possible when both can compromise and come to an understanding. Nothing is impossible. Sometimes situation makes to negotiate to step down and come to normal to maintain the relationship gives large scope to grow up in better manner. It largely depends on will and wish. Scope is there to improve in our journey if our intentions are good people will support and help to build the confidence and create the courage. They will be back to the same and do their best to maintain the relationship. That is the power of will. Will gives thrill. Thrill vives skill. Skill gives ability to perform and prove yourself as a successful individual. Keep up! All the best.
Thank you for your point of view, Bijibilla. I’m beginning to see there are as many solutions to infidelity as there are causes of it.
It’s a personal thing. Can it be forgiven? Should the first question be, is the relationship good enough and worth trying to save? Was the reason for the infidelity within the one who strayed, or should it be blamed on circumstances of the relationship, itself?
See what I mean?
Again, thank you for your comments. I really appreciate that you took the time to answer.
I am with you C.J. We give our trust in good faith, it really isn’t earned as the saying goes, perhaps it is earned as a result of betrayal? I think therefore, a break in trust speaks on many levels, and for obvious reasons, intimate relationships… another level … etc. glad you didn’t put up with it . 😊💪💜
Thank you, sweet lady. To be honest, the pile of distrust was just too high to ever be swept away. I found I couldn't live like that.
Good for you. I haven’t personally experienced infidelity though l have been witness to friends experiencing it. For me there is something sacred about sexual intimacy (passion) in the ‘commitment’ of a partnership, it opens another type of portal … strengthens the connection. I imagine I would have therefore found it unbearable too.
I agree. I'm sure it would have affected you in the same way.
I am sure I would have asked him to go too. I am grateful for having that sacred space in my partnership with John 💜😇🙏.
Hi C.J. Can we trust to much probably ,Do way to many forgive to fast yes . Trust me I have been through what you went through a few times . The first time I forgave which was my first serious love . Did she ever cheat again have no idea but most likely . Second one I blame my self , I was a drunk at the time as well as a musician . One night on my gfs birthday , my gf asked if she could go out . I said ok I will get the band over and we can practice . During this time the whole band couldn't show so some of us drank some got high some did both . A female cousin of out guitarist showed up at the house , I had talked to her many times but wasn't attracted to her . She told me my gf was in a park , had been drugged , was drinking heavy , and fooling around with all the guys . Me and my other guitarist went to the park got in a fight with some there , told gf stop by tomorrow get your crap out of apartment . When my guitar player and I got back to Apartment , Denise the other guitarists cousin was still there . Needless to say I was way more drunk by than and yes I went to bed with her . The next day i found out it was Denise that set up the party and gave gf the drugs . I called Denise told her to leave me alone . that lasted about a month until she called and said I need to talk to you , I said ok I will be home for about half an hour . She got to my apartment and handed me a note saying . she was with child and knew it was mine . Did I believe this no , yet said once they can test blood of both and baby let me know .Another month passed and she stopped over , she said come on get in car for the test .I said OK once I could think straight . she was with my child , And told me if i wanted to ever see them I had to marry her . She knew I was adopted and only child so this sat wrong way . stopped drinking drugs and married , because I knew the kind of mom he would be . After 19 years of unloving marriage filled with her sleeping with just about everyone i knew ,I told he kids are old enough now so all can move out . So know years later with very bad health . Do i know i will never find true love yes i do . Was most of this my fault 50 percent . Do i love my kids with all my heart . My advice to all maybe trust once after that forget it . Sorry for such a long response . hugs to all
I don't know what to say, Mitch, other than I'm so sorry you went through all of this. You've really had a difficult time, but better times are ahead. The bad never lasts forever.
Trust is a personal issue and each person has to decide how much trust is given, how much is earned, and whether it will be forgiven if it's broken. Forgiveness is a whole other issue. I learned once the trust you have in someone is broken, and after weighing it in your mind you choose to forgive, you had better be prepared. It's a hard road. Trying to trust again (distrust) is a miserable sidekick and it's always there. I wasn't good at it at all. I was suspicious of every phone call I walked in on, every 'errand' he had to do, and I found myself looking closely at credit card bills, phone bills, and it just became too much for me.
If you decide to give them another chance, do it freely and you have to really mean it. It didn't work for me. It must be a glitch in me, I don't know. It's a bit like putting your hand into a flame and getting burned. "Once burned, twice shy."
I hope things are better for you now. Hold your children close, hug them often, tell them you love them. Be safe, Mitch. Things will get better.
Namaste.
CJ
I don't regret raising my kids basically on my own . I love them dearly . Yes trust is a personal issue . Yet I did what I had too . My kids when I was at work would call me if she had someone or more over ,I would go get them and take them to a park . I could only wish things were better now . Yet i don't regret a thing I did with my kids .
I have no doubt that you are a good father, Mitch. You obviously love them dearly and your concern for them is clear. I do hope you are not still involved with the partner who hurt you, although you almost have to be when children are involved or you wouldn't get to see them. It's a sad situation and I'm sorry you are having to live with it.
CJ
No we didn't see each other for years .Than she passed on 2 x masses ago . I have had my son with me since , I got him off heroin . That was 2016 . Now we are doing great thank you .
I’m very happy for you, Mitch, and glad to hear it. Please take care. It’s been a pleasure ‘meeting’ you and talking with you today.
It has been wonderful meeting you Cj .And talking to you .I just wish everything here didn't cost money , or i knew more. Because like to tell my whole story for all to read and digest . I think it would shock some and wake some up .
It depends on individual 's perception whether to rebuild and create confidence to move forward is a tough and difficult exercise. It needs to recheck and watch carefully to please and pay attention makes an impact and gives an opportunity to meet then consider it as well as possible through various means gives confidence and courage to determine and dedicate to sacrifice and focus more on concrete like the original relationship is possible when both can compromise and come to an understanding. Nothing is impossible. Sometimes situation makes to negotiate to step down and come to normal to maintain the relationship gives large scope to grow up in better manner. It largely depends on will and wish. Scope is there to improve in our journey if our intentions are good people will support and help to build the confidence and create the courage. They will be back to the same and do their best to maintain the relationship. That is the power of will. Will gives thrill. Thrill vives skill. Skill gives ability to perform and prove yourself as a successful individual. Keep up! All the best.
Thank you for your point of view, Bijibilla. I’m beginning to see there are as many solutions to infidelity as there are causes of it.
It’s a personal thing. Can it be forgiven? Should the first question be, is the relationship good enough and worth trying to save? Was the reason for the infidelity within the one who strayed, or should it be blamed on circumstances of the relationship, itself?
See what I mean?
Again, thank you for your comments. I really appreciate that you took the time to answer.
CJ
https://open.substack.com/pub/mitchhenry01/p/my-life-sad-but-true?r=1ly2mj&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web